Happy Birthday William E. Ryan Sr….

I wanted to write something today like I did last year, but I couldn’t put anything into words.  That was until I recieved and email from my dad this evening.  I feel that my response became very reflective and fluid of what I wanted to write today.  With that said, instead of creating something entirely new I will just paste my email to my dad with no other explanation, commentary or conclusion just pure free form….

That is the beauty of BDays they allow for a reoccurring annual memory of the celebration of that person’s life.  I was torn today of what to do.  I kind of wanted to go out and celebrate and drink away the night, but its hard to go out and share stories of person’s life while you are drinking alone.  I decide to order Chinese and watch the knicks play terrible here in Oakland.  Tomorrow I will continue to make steps towards preparing for my race and progress though my life’s story development.  I will most like do it at a steep pace and bare no limits, but that is the person I am.  I have parts of my life that I operate under caution and security but then I have other parts of my life that have no bounds, safe guards or fears.  Mostly that is my challenges and athletics for others it is different.  I keep my Monday thru Friday very stable and secure to allow my freedom to be felt on Saturday and Sunday.

I still think about the lunches and dinners during his wake where we left a chair open for him as we shared the memory and presents of his life.  I guess unconsciously I decided to eat the Chinese portions for two by myself as an expression of sharing and experience.  I mean I spent most of my childhood over eating and watch bad TV with him on Friday nights.

It was not until this reply that I got overly emotional today.  It just proves that even as the years pass the loss can still be felt.  That to me is the measure of a person and their affect on others.  I still think about the volumes of people that came from all distances to pay their respects those few days.

I know everyone has their ways of remembering and experiencing a person. I would say that the way I choose to solicit and retain friends is the way I live my daily life.  I have my group that have full access and no bounds with but then I have my weekly groups that I am cautious and guard with.

I have always been a networker and a builder of relationships, mostly for my personal benefit but also for others.  Prior to moving to SF I was thinking I was ready to live alone.  When I had the choice to do that in SF, I once again choose a roommate.  Even with a body in the house it doesn’t mean that you are not alone.  It all goes back to having the ability to share and experience things.  I am enjoying my time in SF not because of the people I meet but more because of the person I am finding myself to be.

I have spent the last 3 mornings getting up at 5am to hit the gym at 6am before work.  It was something I hated to do, not that I like it now but has been something I wanted to do.  I like my athletics.  I like my challenges.  I need to be pushed.  Coddling is not a successful way to bond or motivate with me. I resist it and rebel from it.  I am finding my more of my independence here in SF but I am also finding more distinct likes and dislikes.

I read a great line from The Great Gatsby this week. “I’m thirty.  I am five years too old to lie to myself and call that honor.” Maybe it was the age it stated or the coincidence of they changes and things I am feeling since my move.  Either way I liked it and I hope it is reflective of who I am.  That is another motivating factor for me to be in bed by 10pm Su-thurs so I can hit the gym.  I am not sure if I will stick it out because today for example I was asleep at 5pm for an hour when I got home.  It makes me feel better overall when I hit the gym which is good but I begin to resent patterns and repetitions in my personal life.  This goes back to my need to be split between work and play. Remember fighting with me to go to Tae Kwon Do, but when we finished I was happy? See nothing has changed even since I was 5 years old I have always been the same.  I still hate going to the gym but feel great after.  I just can’t bottle that feeling prior to walking in those double doors.  I feel the reason is that I am too consistent at work for me to be the same at home.

Oh well I started this as a short paragraph reply but I clearly unravelled in the process and rambled on.  I am glad you reached out and shared your story with me about Aunt Eileen and Uncle Tony’s site visit to Grandpa today.

Love Billy

The Power of Online…

Waking up this morning I did not know how my day would unfold.  I knew that I would make my half marathon training run and finish my laundry all while watching a bit of College Basketball.  Outside of that minor to do list I had the entire day at my disposal.  Laundry and running were done by noon, so I did what any blistered and tired young man would do.  I played PS3 while watching March Madness and MLB spring training.  I was able to catch up and take care of a few things like talking to my Mother, my Aunt and a solid nap during another wild upset of #1 Kanas by little #9 Northern Iowa.

My Mother seems to be doing great.  She just came back from an exciting vacation, she seemed a lot more active on this trip than I remember from trips past.  She took a zip line ride off the cruise ship, boogie boarded in a wave pool and scaled a wall.  It sounded like a real productive few days.  My Mother was on her way to visit my Grandparents who are currently in assisted living care under supervision of my Aunt so I let her go.  Following my call with Mom, I took the chance to reach out to my Aunt who dropped me a line the day before.  I knew she would be available because she was expecting my Mother.  Not to often can you lock down a Mother of 5 on a Saturday afternoon, so I had to move quickly to reach my Aunt.  Of course she was on the other line and I left a message.  With in minutes my phone rang and it was my Aunt.  We had a great chance to settle on a few outstanding misconceptions and reconfirm support of one another.

Now with those to big talks complete it was 1pm and my aspiring Yankee needed a few minor league games to build upon his resume of underperforming for the Double A affiliate in Trenton.  While continuing to strike out and get lectured by my animated online Manager I found myself fading as if it was 4am but it was only 4pm.  I decided it was time for a much needed big boy nap as Kansas was fallennng way behind and all appeared lost.  I quickly moved my folded clean laundry to the other side of the bed and I was out!!

Waking up at 6pm with the sun still shining I realized that all that day at my disposable was being disposed of.  With the clock ticking and hours slipping away I checked my email.  I saw an email from a Future bride who was doing the work of her groom.  With me being unsure of how I wanted to respond I decided that my legs have healed enough  that I needed to walk the city a bit.  Since my run had showed me really how close Fisherman’s Wharf was to me it was only fair that I walked in the opposite direction.  Where I found Safeway, WholeFoods and Starbucks all along AT&T Park.  I have now plotted out a good place to walk and people watch.  I found a places called the Iron Cactus and the Creamery which will be visited in the near future.  I do think I now know what pre-Giants game venues will be as well.

Collecting my thoughts of the day over a box of Whole Foods’ hot buffet I saw this tall blonde jump out of a new C-Class Benz.  Walking with good pace towards the corner I then noticed two men flanked around her, one was 5 yards ahead and the other was 5 yards behind.  I quickly realized that one of the two was with her.  Now which of the two was it? All three walked across the street at the same time and of course all three walked into Whole Foods.  Now as I watch this scene I was trying to tell because of her pace if she was mad at the guy behind or catching up to the guy ahead of her.  I had come to the conclusion that it was the guy in front who was her Boy Friend.  I then found myself reflecting on how I would behavior in the similar circumstance.   As I rewinded the scene in my head.  I noticed that he jumped out of the car and began to walk to the corner at the beat of his own agenda.  I had my confirmation when I saw the two of them join me in the Whole Foods courtyard for dinner.  She sat at an angle which clearly left her open and engaged to his every word, while he sat square to the window completely shutoff to her interests.  This sparked my memory of a quote I read earlier this on my normal commute.

“Marriages may start because of Love, but finish because of commitment”

Doing my best not to see myself as a judging cast member of Sex in the City, I decided to mosey along to cap off the rest of my day.  I began by taking a romantic walk home along the Embaracdero with the sun setting, the water crashing on the dock all while tenderly holding hands with my cup of Carmel Macciatto.  Now I finish the evening in true Carrie style by watching my netflix delivery of The Notebook, but it again struck a cord with with me ringing that quote in my head.  I then fluttered through my email as the movie was coming to a close only to notice this interesting image that I hadn’t seen together in years.

Now this image most likely means nothing to any of you but the last two names sitting side by side are my parents.  That is what I haven’t seen together in years.  Maybe it’s the sappy nature of the Notebook having the story of two people falling in love as kids then being stripped away from one another, only to find themselves together in the end.  Or the quote that stuck with me Friday afternoon.  Or the trials of my friends planning to get married in the coming months. Or the troubled couple in Whole Foods.

What ever the reason it allowed me to reflect on the day and week that had just passed.  It moved me to look for the movie “The Story of Us” which holds a special meaning to me, but with it not available on instant movie for netflix I settled for Bridgett Jones’ Diary.  Yes I had to complete the chick flick self-inflicted marathon.  Never seeing BJD before, it did not take long to figure out this was the right movie for the evening.  I felt quite like Bridgett being 30 and single with a set of goals written out for the new year and this blog being my online diary.  Only I was a caffeinated Bridget instead of an inebriated Bridget.

Well as you can tell I completely failed in avoiding being Carrie for the evening, but sometimes its good to completely let go and enjoy the evening of self-reflection; even if it makes me a complete sap!

On a some what related note.  This is one of my biggest months of Birthdays.  Some of the lucky characters are Two of my Aunts, Two of my Uncles, Two of my closets friends as well as a 5 of my other good friends.  My two closet friends are being hit by the questions of how they like being still single in their post 30 year old worlds. (Similar to Bridgett)  What have these people not read my last blog?  Well I also was asked a similar question more elegantly by one of my Aunts who is celebrating her birthday this month as well.  She said (Not asked but said, which makes it a much better setup):  ”You do realize that you are almost 31. (I only turned 30 in December) I respond: I just turned 30.  She responds: It is March your  31.  (One of my friends is 31 Tuesday)  As you continue to enjoy your 30′s it will only make it that much harder for you to settle down.  You will continue to become that much more independent and find it harder to want to compromise and/or put up with someone else’s BS!” I thought that was so well said and true.  She managed to tell me to get in gear by identifying that being independent has its upside.  I really thought it was clever and clearly as I write this it was effective.  Something had to start this internal dialogue that I needed to share tonight.  One of the birthday boys last night was put through the ringer as well hearing about all the wonderful stories of Camelot (Marriage) from all his hitched friends and sibling.  He was told that he was “Destine” to marry one of his recent Ex’s.  The other birthday boy was very optimistic this March and it wasn’t solely because Syracuse is looking dominate in the tourney, but because he was on a first date with a girl who could have potential.  (I am pulling for him since I know what his goals are for 2010.)

I wrote this with the title of “The Power of Online”.  That was because most of these interactions were driven from an online resource.  Let’s quickly recap:

1. Mom & Dad on my Buddy List
2. Steaming Bridgett Jones’ Diary
3. Email from Future Bride
4. PS3 Gaming
5. Streaming MLB Spring Training
6. Streaming March Madness
7. Online Dating
8. This Blog

Now each of these social outlets have impacted my day to form a perfect storm of relaxation and self reflection.  I actually enjoyed it and managed to get to a point of reflection that normally comes from the message at the bottom of the bottle.  This time that bottle was a warm carmel drink with the free-bee red velvet starbucks cupcake.  Tomorrow the goal is to get a haircut, maybe a bit of weights, but the ultimate goal is a walk to North Beach to test out the Italian Deli for lunch capped with coffee and a book in the afternoon to continue my acclimation to the new city as well as detailed people watching.

Which is Closed Sundays so that idea is out..

I leave you with this.  I recently spoke about border-less friends and now I am speaking on Online resources.  I know we are currently in a world which online mediums allow us to blur all borders and boundaries.   Today friends and loved ones meet online, families staying in contact on Sunday mornings through Skype and old college friends passively post photos and updates to include those who want to remain engaged.  I am now in a new city where being border-less is key to my support group.  Not knowing anyone in this city could be intimidating but has appeared to not be the case.  Maybe part of todays blog is because today was the first Saturday that I didn’t have a friend in town.  I am enjoying the move mainly because of the new job.  Its nice to have a job I enjoy because obviously I spend the majority of my week there.  This current level of content is allowing me to explore other things that I wanted to accomplish for 2010.  The SF Half Marathon is an integral part of my future goals.  Now that I have one leg of the stool with work and developing another leg with personal hobbies it only leaves the growth of a new social outlet.  Maybe it will be sparked by online mediums, maybe it will be through rugby, maybe through a new hobby.  What I do know is that I don’t know.  I am just going to keep plugging along this new path amongst the questions, suggestions and judging.  Like I said last week in 6 years I could be in a total new location along a body of water but until that point I plan to embody one of my favorite quotes:

“Every day to do something foolish, something creative, and something generous.”

The Nth year plans….

What is the appropriate timeline?  Is there an appropriate timeline?

I felt having a timeline was the most important part.  I still feel a person needs to decide for themselves what their most appropriate timeline is.  It does not matter if it is 5 days or 5 years.  Set personal bounds and then stretch them.

I was sitting here tonight attempting my 5 year plan.  Five is my “Nth year plan”.  Why because I heard it in a movie.  And no I don’t have old balls and yes my plan is not to die.  (I digress)  As I worked through my 5 year plan, I realized that 5 is not my bound.  Your plan needs to be dynamic, elastic even.  Now I feel you need a combination of detail and broad strokes.  Some things can be 5 years, some things can be 2 years and, others can not be bound by time.

Tonight I began to tweak my 5 year plan.  I was able to pencil large trips for the next 5 years.  I was able to set 4 years of financial goals.  I was able to set 2 years for personal goals. I was only capable of setting a year of professional goals.  I began to hit road blocks as I tried to stretch them all to 5 years.  It reaffirms that “The Nth year plan” is really just an outline.

I now feel that this outline is only one of a few steps.  I have not yet figured out what my correct number of steps will be, but I do have a starting point.  As all go ideas are; I stole my current evolution.  I am going to start with three layers to begin my “Life Foundation”.  Like the strongest geometric shape the triangle, it will represent my foundation being made up of:

1. a dense base consisting of a living vision statement (written in the first person) that will reflect the person I want t be and will be reviewed weekly
2. the body will be made of the Nth year plan identifying milestones that will help me achieve my vision.
3. capped off with the concise tip of the mission statement (no longer than a sentence) representing my call to order. 

This triad has been test on some, but is not uniform for all.  I am going to slowly incorporate it into my life.  To ensure that it is not reckless or shallow.  I have always had floating thoughts of the person I could be.  It is now time to put pen to paper and start to flush out the person that I will attain to be. 

This is a process and needs to be a living document.  It will grow and evolve as I do.  The foundation needs to be egoless and humble or else it will fail.  I think a person is only as good as their willingness to achieve as well as fail.  Like any other elastic item or cycle; you can only drift as far from center as the restrictions set by your boundaries….