Happy Birthday William E. Ryan Sr….

I wanted to write something today like I did last year, but I couldn’t put anything into words.  That was until I recieved and email from my dad this evening.  I feel that my response became very reflective and fluid of what I wanted to write today.  With that said, instead of creating something entirely new I will just paste my email to my dad with no other explanation, commentary or conclusion just pure free form….

That is the beauty of BDays they allow for a reoccurring annual memory of the celebration of that person’s life.  I was torn today of what to do.  I kind of wanted to go out and celebrate and drink away the night, but its hard to go out and share stories of person’s life while you are drinking alone.  I decide to order Chinese and watch the knicks play terrible here in Oakland.  Tomorrow I will continue to make steps towards preparing for my race and progress though my life’s story development.  I will most like do it at a steep pace and bare no limits, but that is the person I am.  I have parts of my life that I operate under caution and security but then I have other parts of my life that have no bounds, safe guards or fears.  Mostly that is my challenges and athletics for others it is different.  I keep my Monday thru Friday very stable and secure to allow my freedom to be felt on Saturday and Sunday.

I still think about the lunches and dinners during his wake where we left a chair open for him as we shared the memory and presents of his life.  I guess unconsciously I decided to eat the Chinese portions for two by myself as an expression of sharing and experience.  I mean I spent most of my childhood over eating and watch bad TV with him on Friday nights.

It was not until this reply that I got overly emotional today.  It just proves that even as the years pass the loss can still be felt.  That to me is the measure of a person and their affect on others.  I still think about the volumes of people that came from all distances to pay their respects those few days.

I know everyone has their ways of remembering and experiencing a person. I would say that the way I choose to solicit and retain friends is the way I live my daily life.  I have my group that have full access and no bounds with but then I have my weekly groups that I am cautious and guard with.

I have always been a networker and a builder of relationships, mostly for my personal benefit but also for others.  Prior to moving to SF I was thinking I was ready to live alone.  When I had the choice to do that in SF, I once again choose a roommate.  Even with a body in the house it doesn’t mean that you are not alone.  It all goes back to having the ability to share and experience things.  I am enjoying my time in SF not because of the people I meet but more because of the person I am finding myself to be.

I have spent the last 3 mornings getting up at 5am to hit the gym at 6am before work.  It was something I hated to do, not that I like it now but has been something I wanted to do.  I like my athletics.  I like my challenges.  I need to be pushed.  Coddling is not a successful way to bond or motivate with me. I resist it and rebel from it.  I am finding my more of my independence here in SF but I am also finding more distinct likes and dislikes.

I read a great line from The Great Gatsby this week. “I’m thirty.  I am five years too old to lie to myself and call that honor.” Maybe it was the age it stated or the coincidence of they changes and things I am feeling since my move.  Either way I liked it and I hope it is reflective of who I am.  That is another motivating factor for me to be in bed by 10pm Su-thurs so I can hit the gym.  I am not sure if I will stick it out because today for example I was asleep at 5pm for an hour when I got home.  It makes me feel better overall when I hit the gym which is good but I begin to resent patterns and repetitions in my personal life.  This goes back to my need to be split between work and play. Remember fighting with me to go to Tae Kwon Do, but when we finished I was happy? See nothing has changed even since I was 5 years old I have always been the same.  I still hate going to the gym but feel great after.  I just can’t bottle that feeling prior to walking in those double doors.  I feel the reason is that I am too consistent at work for me to be the same at home.

Oh well I started this as a short paragraph reply but I clearly unravelled in the process and rambled on.  I am glad you reached out and shared your story with me about Aunt Eileen and Uncle Tony’s site visit to Grandpa today.

Love Billy

Sands of Time…

Padre, It has been months from my last confession (I mean blog)….. Instead of Congressional Library of “Our Fathers” I owe, I will just jump into this.

One feels invincible and ever lasting in their youth.  Time continues to expire no matter if you have a watchful eye or not.  Just ask the carton of eggs in the back of my refrigerator.  My eggs like most things were full of good intentions, only to be ignored and let slip away into the cold refrigerated night (more like weeks than night, but I digress)…

Not all experiences are about expiration but they are mostly about the time and phase in which they occurred.  Recently moving on from the sea salt scented air of the Southern California night, I have let months slip as I get acclimated to the urine filled air of Northern California.  Someone once said that: “They loved the smell of napalm in the Morning” but I would have to say that nothing snaps your head back like fresh piss in a subway.. (MORNING!!) 

With my new life and childish curiosity I have walked the streets and ridden the train (G-Rated Train) doe eyed and amazed just soaking in all the new faces, styles, and communications.   Last night I express my current commute much like “How I met your Mother”.  The reason I say that is I see new faces on the train that I have never seen before or again on the same commute that I have now taken 30 times.  All because I am 5 minutes later or earlier or I walked one car further or shorter.  Hell!! San Francisco claims to have 4 million people and I have ran into two different people at different times that I went to RPI with in the past 30 days and we have 4,500 students.  You can clearly tell that probability of that connection should be much smaller than it is especially with RPI being 3,000 miles away!!  Yet I can’t find the same young professional with librarian glasses to sit near me twice in 60 trips on the same track.  (Odd, but intriguing)  Now this is only one segment of my day but its all about time and experiences. 

Another part of my daily commute is the singing homeless guy who greets me every morning on my walk in.  His raspy voice, 5am shadow and barber shop choir hat really does make my morning.  Its not out of mockery it is more because it feels right.  He is as much part of my morning as Words with Friends or Diet Peach Snapple Ice Tea.  (I might take a photograph tomorrow and see if I can post it here)

 

Is it wrong that I feel part of my role during my committee is the quite girl who works for Mel Gibson in “What Women Want”.  I find myself much more in my head watching and judging people as the pass me.  Ear buds have more use than sound.  They provide protection from the outside.  I find myself wearing them to avoid dialogue at points when I am tired or when I am looking to ignore someone at work.  I am sure that I am not the first person to consider this but its fun and new for me.  At the end of the day this is my blog and I get to gab and gab about me. J; LOL; Giggles; J/K.. I think I covered all the different forms of modern insecure and indirect communication. 

I started this blog with the intent to talk about change.  I think as time has slipped away in my first 45 days in office.. (more like cube now).  I have been happy with my move and my blog which was intended to talk about my thoughts which this would qualify as.  Instead most times it lead into my inner darkness and slick ice cold mountain side… Since I have been child like I have not had the spiking urge to vent, until now….

I want to take a trip back to learned behavior.  I once was quoted in saying I get a 7 year itch.  Now, that number seven might have been correlated to my mother’s time table more than my own.  Just look at her track record and do the math of engaged to divorced… and these are the days of her/my lives.. 

Since I have always been a competitive overachiever my schedule might be more like 6 years.  Of course like any other child just trying to be one better than mom.  Once my mom released the training wheel claw and let me off to college my schedule has been 6.  My Dad’s apartment I was 6 when we moved, My Grandparents house I was 12 when we left, My Mom’s house I was 17/18 when I left, Upstate, NY I was 24 when I left, SoCal  I was 30 when I left and now the San Francisco clock has started… 36 San Diego or Barcelona?

Barcelona Beaches

I used Sand in the title of this blog something that is in Newport, San Francisco, San Diego and Barcelona.  Sand is a granular thing that floats with the changes in the wind.  Sand comes from the same structural make up but like a snow flake it is never the same.  I want to use Sand as a euphemism for family but before that I want to define family:

fam·i·ly

/ˈfæm ə li, ˈfæm li/  [fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] noun,plural-lies, adjective –noun

1.

a. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.

b. a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

2. the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.

3. the spouse and children of one person: We’re taking the family on vacation next week.

4. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.

5. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.

6. Chiefly British. approved lineage, esp. noble, titled, famous, or wealthy ancestry: young men of family.

7. a group of persons who form a household under one head, including parents, children, and servants.

8. the staff, or body of assistants, of an official: the office family.

9. a group of related things or people: the family of romantic poets; the halogen family of elements.

10. a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together: Many hippie communes of the sixties regarded themselves as families.

11. a group of products or product models made by the same manufacturer or producer.

12. Biology. the usual major subdivision of an order or suborder in the classification of plants, animals, fungi, etc., usually consisting of several genera.

13. Slang. a unit of the Mafia or Cosa Nostra operating in one area under a local leader.

It took me a while but really line I was going for was section 10 of Webster’s definition of Family.  As we evolve we develop our own family.  We do it in the traditional way through marriage and procreation or adoption, but you also do it through friends gained through experiences and regional proximity. 

Now that we defined family how to keep that network together now that we are in a borderless society.  Ease of access to text, facebook, emails and, cost of air travel has allowed us to leave the nest sooner and for longer.  Using myself as an example I have left home at 17 years old and have never truly returned.  I used undergrad as my support system from 17-22.  I then parlayed my undergrad rugby experience to gain traction in SoCal from 24-26 and then dove deeper into the community with graduate school from 26-28.  Now that I am 30 in a new city and school for the most part in my rearview mirror how do I do it again?  Maybe it is rugby again but it has to be the right group.. or a really good bar discount. (I kid, I kid)

I have family and friends who have bowed out of free agency and have established that traditional family some are deeper down the road than others.  For example I recently attended a “Jack & Jill” baby shower for what I consider highly ranked Family but Webster would rank them as 10^th. 

It was fun but the take away is that is was family.  I have heard feedback from numerous sources asking why I would fly for a baby shower.  I guess since I didn’t put much thought into the alternative of not going really helps you define my alliances.  (Now my inquires were from people who were not form my inner circle, they got it).  I also had the chance to catch up with other parts of my Family #10 tree and I was only on the ground for 36 hours.  Not bad really.

I recently had my 30^th birthday in New York with my traditional family (well half, mom and I were not on speaking terms but that has since changed… sort of).  I also had representation from High School, RPI and UCI which was a nice feeling.  Like I said we are now borderless.  My recent going away from SoCal had faces upon faces of history in attendance.  I know I did not have a chance to talk to everyone but I saw again faces from RPI, Rugby, Merage, UCI & again Family #10.  This isn’t as much about me as it sounds because everyone one wants to see each other as well, but the point is that extended family finds its way back together.  All that time and personal experience was filling the room.  Sand from all different beaches I traveled. 

I left a lot of history in SoCal but I don’t feel it is lost by any means.  Not like my childhood.  I moved from place to place when I was too young and didn’t understand the benefits of foundation and networking until about the age of 19-20 when my track record of Family #10 really blossoms with my RPI friends and all that followed.  One of my gifts for my 30^th was a Kodak digital picture frame.  It might seem small but it was prominent.  It might have been one of the facilitators that broke the silence with my mother and I (that and the bottle of Scotch, also my Aunt’s video tribute too.)  It sits in front of my face daily at work.  It is the first thing I turn on and the last thing I turn off everyday.  It allows me to capture and revisit all those experiences and times in my life. 

I heard a quote in the airport from a fellow passenger talking about how she had it all figured it out at 22 but now at 30 she is clueless.  I think many in the free agency market feel the same way at 30.  I also think that at 30 a lot of those youthful insecurities and feeling to prove thyself begins to melt away.  At 30 you almost feel as if you finally arrived.  Maybe it is because you lose that you are only a “Twenty-Something” what do you know moniker.  Maybe it’s my fresh start and my 30^th conveniently coinciding that allows me to relate the change easier.  On the flip side I do have a bed time and don’t nearly party at the rate I once did.  I once heard when you will wake up at 30 and will feel that wall.  But when you hear that at 22 you are like no way I SUPERMAN and invincible my bounce back time is instantly.  This can be taken to many phases in a man’s life at least. 

I leave you with this.  Live everyday as if you are as invincible and driven as you were at 22 with the freedom and confidence as you are once you hit 30.  In today’s society with the clocks being rolled back and 30 is the new 20 and 40 is the new 30.  You can now follow through succeed with what your parents, coaches and teachers once said: “If I knew then what I know now, things would be much different”.  Well if you are 30, 40 or 50 the new rules apply and you have an extra 10 years than our forefathers.  You need an example look at Clooney, Pitt and Downey.  Nobody has yet to challenge them off their perch and they have been here for years at #1.  (maybe I just finally dated myself because I don’t know the cast of Glee or Twilight, but I just don’t have the same confidence in them.  Hell Al Bundy is coming back into style)

We need people in their 30s to take the reins and charge forward.  Nobody will hand you your experiences if you sit idol.  Life imitates art and art imitates life.  Just look at the Hangover for another example, everyone loves the movie but wont confess they want their life to be filled with all the memories we saw in that final scene’s digital camera. (maybe not the elevator scene) but everyone wants to look back and know they had a great run and gave it their all.  Your life doesn’t have to be a drunken stupor but it should be lived to the fullest because time expires if you are active or on the couch.  Time like Karma is a fickle bitch…

Oppurtunity Maker….

Today on my Grandfather’s (William E. Ryan Sr.) birthday, I had lunch with a former Professor and current Friend. The topic was reviewing my development of my values, vision statement &, mission statement. We came to the conclusion based on my written words and mental rambling that my Mission is to be an “Opportunity Maker” 

As usual I researched what this means in the wired world of the internet. After Googling the term “Opportunity Maker” I was amused as well as felt a bit of irony to see the top search item. It was this book here: The Opportunity Maker: Strategies for Inspiring Your Legal Career Through Creative Networking and Business Development By Ari Kaplan.. You might think why is this ironic? Well recent soul searching has found me with the desire to chase my suppressed dream of becoming a Lawyer. As you can see from the title of the book how appropriate my lunch time conversation coordinates with this use of “Opportunity Maker”

For further detail review the book’s description:

This book is designed to help you harness your potential for business development and empower your legal career from law school through partnership. It provides techniques for defining your personal brand, leveraging your creativity, and maximizing your success. Rainmakers, public relations experts, elected officials, marketing masters, in-house counsel, business executives, career advisers, associates, law students, and others who have walked in your shoes offer perspective on issues ranging from networking, mentoring, and blogging to hosting your own television show, starting a charity, and getting published. Each chapter addresses genuine strategies for connecting with people and establishing meaningful professional relationships.

What I find most interesting is that the term I was at a loss for this afternoon was “Rainmaker”. Which is what I think would be most appropriate as a descriptor for what I wanted in my mission statement as a synonym for opportunity maker. I feel that my nature & nurture has brought me to this point. I think that the characteristics I am drawn to in people and the values I hold important to myself make up the DNA of a person meant for Corporate Law.

What are these values I continue to reference with vagueness? Well I am glad you asked. Here are the 5 core values and the 5 supporting values that I have identified.

 

Core Value: Achievement Winning Problem solving Doing things successfully Sense of accomplishment	Supporting Value: Adventure Risk taking Entrepreneurship Challenging Experiences Trail Blazer
Core Value: Discipline Self Control Commitment Hard working Determination	Supporting Value: Responsibility Accountable for results Reliable Dependable Liable personal initiative
Core Value: Friendship Close Relationships Unity Partnership Mutual Appreciation	Supporting Value: Family Happiness Relations being together Community Team work Sense of belonging
Core Value: Integrity Honesty Standing up for beliefs Courage Candor	Supporting Value: Quality 1st Class Maintain High standards Having real worth Do it right the first time
Core Value: Personal Development Commitment to learning Pushing limits Utilize and improve potential	Supporting Value: Advancement Opportunity to improve Progress Upward mobility Promotions

If you overlay my values with the people that I admire, you will begin to see the composite of how I see myself.  

Name:	Because:	Stood For:	Difference Made:
1. Warren Buffet	Motivating, Dedicated, Focused	Capitalism	World’s Richest Man
2. William E Ryan Sr.	Protective Father, Networker, Strong, Charismatic, Sharp mind	Family, Strength, Truth	Rock of the Family
3. JFK	Irish Catholic, Charismatic, Leader, Change maker	Brought people together to fight for a common cause	Sent a man to the moon, President, Broke the WASP President chain, Cuba
4. Bill Parcells	Ability to turnaround losing cultures/operations Develops Performance	Discipline, Hard work, team building, hazard Mgmt	Rebuilt 4 teams to a winning culture
5. Richard Branson	Took Risk, Failed, Rebuilt himself	Entrepreneur	Record Label, Airline, Author, Plane to the moon

How do these two matrixes align? How would I define myself in the search of my “Mission Statement”? The same way Merriam-Webster dictionary does (option 3):

rain *mak *er

Show Spelled Pronunciation [reyn-mey-ker]

–noun

1.	(among American Indians) a medicine man who by various rituals and incantations seeks to cause rain.

2.	a person who induces rainfall by using various scientific techniques, as the seeding of clouds with silver iodide crystals from an airplane.

3.	Slang. an executive or lawyer with exceptional ability to attract clients, use political connections, increase profits, whose influence can initiate progress or ensure success, etc.: The president has several rainmakers among his advisers.

 I always thought I wanted to be an Investment Banker in M&A. I read every book, watched every movie and looked under every rock to understand the life of an Investment Banker. None of it scared me away. It actually made me more passionate about my childhood dream. I have been carrying this torch from the first time I watched “Pretty Woman” with my Mother. I saw the look in her eyes of the thought of a girl making her way from the difficulties of city streets to finding her fairytale in life of love & success. As a comic is infected with laughter as a child, I was infected that day with the M&A/Rainmaker Dream…

In the pursuit of this dream some might say I have taken a wandering road. First out of undergrad I stay in Upstate New York instead of finding a finance job in Manhattan. Second I move to California to pursue my MBA, once again shunning NYC. I went to UCI, not UCLA because I felt the culture was the best fit for me. After successfully chasing down my MBA which I thought would be the keys to the castle of M&A luxury, I find myself with the keys but no door.

This recession has closed many doors and has forced me to re-evaluate my intestinal fortitude to see my dream through until the end. With this recession’s cause as well as most devastated sector being financials, I do not see it growing back to the gluten stature it once was. Well at least not in the near future to enable me to pursue traditional career path of Banking at this point in my professional career. So what does that mean to me? Well less jobs because of more unemployed experience talent along with more MBA graduates. Needless to say more regulation by the government to establish safety nets with the intention to prevent this type of financial meltdown in the future. How do I stay a step ahead of these dominos as the layers of onion continue to be peeled back? How do I do this on my terms? LAW SCHOOL!!

As did my two matrixes came together, so did these economic factors for me. More regulation means more OPPORTUNITY! What are life’s constants? LAWS, death & taxes. How are all three of these constants always changing? They are based on the interoperation of the people that use them and protect them. They are applied by the logic and constructive arguments set by the best and brightest in the field. This is why there will be an influx need for Lawyers in these coming years. Especially in M&A while the banks redefine themselves through the new layers of regulation.

The irony of all of this is that I write this post on the Birthday Day of William E. Ryan Sr. a person I greatly admired. For the same reasons of why I want to be a Corporate Lawyer: dedication, determination, rainmaking ability and trail blazing legacy.

I leave you with this. No matter what your dream is, no matter how long your path is. Stick with it and do it on your terms. The purpose of one’s mission statement is to become the person you want to be. So no matter the goal, no matter the challenge; keep your vision statement in mind to ensure you keep your eye on YOUR prize. I might not have the most conventional way of doing things, but I have a drive and a focus that I feel is unmatched when I decide to do something.