The Power of Online…

Waking up this morning I did not know how my day would unfold.  I knew that I would make my half marathon training run and finish my laundry all while watching a bit of College Basketball.  Outside of that minor to do list I had the entire day at my disposal.  Laundry and running were done by noon, so I did what any blistered and tired young man would do.  I played PS3 while watching March Madness and MLB spring training.  I was able to catch up and take care of a few things like talking to my Mother, my Aunt and a solid nap during another wild upset of #1 Kanas by little #9 Northern Iowa.

My Mother seems to be doing great.  She just came back from an exciting vacation, she seemed a lot more active on this trip than I remember from trips past.  She took a zip line ride off the cruise ship, boogie boarded in a wave pool and scaled a wall.  It sounded like a real productive few days.  My Mother was on her way to visit my Grandparents who are currently in assisted living care under supervision of my Aunt so I let her go.  Following my call with Mom, I took the chance to reach out to my Aunt who dropped me a line the day before.  I knew she would be available because she was expecting my Mother.  Not to often can you lock down a Mother of 5 on a Saturday afternoon, so I had to move quickly to reach my Aunt.  Of course she was on the other line and I left a message.  With in minutes my phone rang and it was my Aunt.  We had a great chance to settle on a few outstanding misconceptions and reconfirm support of one another.

Now with those to big talks complete it was 1pm and my aspiring Yankee needed a few minor league games to build upon his resume of underperforming for the Double A affiliate in Trenton.  While continuing to strike out and get lectured by my animated online Manager I found myself fading as if it was 4am but it was only 4pm.  I decided it was time for a much needed big boy nap as Kansas was fallennng way behind and all appeared lost.  I quickly moved my folded clean laundry to the other side of the bed and I was out!!

Waking up at 6pm with the sun still shining I realized that all that day at my disposable was being disposed of.  With the clock ticking and hours slipping away I checked my email.  I saw an email from a Future bride who was doing the work of her groom.  With me being unsure of how I wanted to respond I decided that my legs have healed enough  that I needed to walk the city a bit.  Since my run had showed me really how close Fisherman’s Wharf was to me it was only fair that I walked in the opposite direction.  Where I found Safeway, WholeFoods and Starbucks all along AT&T Park.  I have now plotted out a good place to walk and people watch.  I found a places called the Iron Cactus and the Creamery which will be visited in the near future.  I do think I now know what pre-Giants game venues will be as well.

Collecting my thoughts of the day over a box of Whole Foods’ hot buffet I saw this tall blonde jump out of a new C-Class Benz.  Walking with good pace towards the corner I then noticed two men flanked around her, one was 5 yards ahead and the other was 5 yards behind.  I quickly realized that one of the two was with her.  Now which of the two was it? All three walked across the street at the same time and of course all three walked into Whole Foods.  Now as I watch this scene I was trying to tell because of her pace if she was mad at the guy behind or catching up to the guy ahead of her.  I had come to the conclusion that it was the guy in front who was her Boy Friend.  I then found myself reflecting on how I would behavior in the similar circumstance.   As I rewinded the scene in my head.  I noticed that he jumped out of the car and began to walk to the corner at the beat of his own agenda.  I had my confirmation when I saw the two of them join me in the Whole Foods courtyard for dinner.  She sat at an angle which clearly left her open and engaged to his every word, while he sat square to the window completely shutoff to her interests.  This sparked my memory of a quote I read earlier this on my normal commute.

“Marriages may start because of Love, but finish because of commitment”

Doing my best not to see myself as a judging cast member of Sex in the City, I decided to mosey along to cap off the rest of my day.  I began by taking a romantic walk home along the Embaracdero with the sun setting, the water crashing on the dock all while tenderly holding hands with my cup of Carmel Macciatto.  Now I finish the evening in true Carrie style by watching my netflix delivery of The Notebook, but it again struck a cord with with me ringing that quote in my head.  I then fluttered through my email as the movie was coming to a close only to notice this interesting image that I hadn’t seen together in years.

Now this image most likely means nothing to any of you but the last two names sitting side by side are my parents.  That is what I haven’t seen together in years.  Maybe it’s the sappy nature of the Notebook having the story of two people falling in love as kids then being stripped away from one another, only to find themselves together in the end.  Or the quote that stuck with me Friday afternoon.  Or the trials of my friends planning to get married in the coming months. Or the troubled couple in Whole Foods.

What ever the reason it allowed me to reflect on the day and week that had just passed.  It moved me to look for the movie “The Story of Us” which holds a special meaning to me, but with it not available on instant movie for netflix I settled for Bridgett Jones’ Diary.  Yes I had to complete the chick flick self-inflicted marathon.  Never seeing BJD before, it did not take long to figure out this was the right movie for the evening.  I felt quite like Bridgett being 30 and single with a set of goals written out for the new year and this blog being my online diary.  Only I was a caffeinated Bridget instead of an inebriated Bridget.

Well as you can tell I completely failed in avoiding being Carrie for the evening, but sometimes its good to completely let go and enjoy the evening of self-reflection; even if it makes me a complete sap!

On a some what related note.  This is one of my biggest months of Birthdays.  Some of the lucky characters are Two of my Aunts, Two of my Uncles, Two of my closets friends as well as a 5 of my other good friends.  My two closet friends are being hit by the questions of how they like being still single in their post 30 year old worlds. (Similar to Bridgett)  What have these people not read my last blog?  Well I also was asked a similar question more elegantly by one of my Aunts who is celebrating her birthday this month as well.  She said (Not asked but said, which makes it a much better setup):  ”You do realize that you are almost 31. (I only turned 30 in December) I respond: I just turned 30.  She responds: It is March your  31.  (One of my friends is 31 Tuesday)  As you continue to enjoy your 30′s it will only make it that much harder for you to settle down.  You will continue to become that much more independent and find it harder to want to compromise and/or put up with someone else’s BS!” I thought that was so well said and true.  She managed to tell me to get in gear by identifying that being independent has its upside.  I really thought it was clever and clearly as I write this it was effective.  Something had to start this internal dialogue that I needed to share tonight.  One of the birthday boys last night was put through the ringer as well hearing about all the wonderful stories of Camelot (Marriage) from all his hitched friends and sibling.  He was told that he was “Destine” to marry one of his recent Ex’s.  The other birthday boy was very optimistic this March and it wasn’t solely because Syracuse is looking dominate in the tourney, but because he was on a first date with a girl who could have potential.  (I am pulling for him since I know what his goals are for 2010.)

I wrote this with the title of “The Power of Online”.  That was because most of these interactions were driven from an online resource.  Let’s quickly recap:

1. Mom & Dad on my Buddy List
2. Steaming Bridgett Jones’ Diary
3. Email from Future Bride
4. PS3 Gaming
5. Streaming MLB Spring Training
6. Streaming March Madness
7. Online Dating
8. This Blog

Now each of these social outlets have impacted my day to form a perfect storm of relaxation and self reflection.  I actually enjoyed it and managed to get to a point of reflection that normally comes from the message at the bottom of the bottle.  This time that bottle was a warm carmel drink with the free-bee red velvet starbucks cupcake.  Tomorrow the goal is to get a haircut, maybe a bit of weights, but the ultimate goal is a walk to North Beach to test out the Italian Deli for lunch capped with coffee and a book in the afternoon to continue my acclimation to the new city as well as detailed people watching.

Which is Closed Sundays so that idea is out..

I leave you with this.  I recently spoke about border-less friends and now I am speaking on Online resources.  I know we are currently in a world which online mediums allow us to blur all borders and boundaries.   Today friends and loved ones meet online, families staying in contact on Sunday mornings through Skype and old college friends passively post photos and updates to include those who want to remain engaged.  I am now in a new city where being border-less is key to my support group.  Not knowing anyone in this city could be intimidating but has appeared to not be the case.  Maybe part of todays blog is because today was the first Saturday that I didn’t have a friend in town.  I am enjoying the move mainly because of the new job.  Its nice to have a job I enjoy because obviously I spend the majority of my week there.  This current level of content is allowing me to explore other things that I wanted to accomplish for 2010.  The SF Half Marathon is an integral part of my future goals.  Now that I have one leg of the stool with work and developing another leg with personal hobbies it only leaves the growth of a new social outlet.  Maybe it will be sparked by online mediums, maybe it will be through rugby, maybe through a new hobby.  What I do know is that I don’t know.  I am just going to keep plugging along this new path amongst the questions, suggestions and judging.  Like I said last week in 6 years I could be in a total new location along a body of water but until that point I plan to embody one of my favorite quotes:

“Every day to do something foolish, something creative, and something generous.”

Sands of Time…

Padre, It has been months from my last confession (I mean blog)….. Instead of Congressional Library of “Our Fathers” I owe, I will just jump into this.

One feels invincible and ever lasting in their youth.  Time continues to expire no matter if you have a watchful eye or not.  Just ask the carton of eggs in the back of my refrigerator.  My eggs like most things were full of good intentions, only to be ignored and let slip away into the cold refrigerated night (more like weeks than night, but I digress)…

Not all experiences are about expiration but they are mostly about the time and phase in which they occurred.  Recently moving on from the sea salt scented air of the Southern California night, I have let months slip as I get acclimated to the urine filled air of Northern California.  Someone once said that: “They loved the smell of napalm in the Morning” but I would have to say that nothing snaps your head back like fresh piss in a subway.. (MORNING!!) 

With my new life and childish curiosity I have walked the streets and ridden the train (G-Rated Train) doe eyed and amazed just soaking in all the new faces, styles, and communications.   Last night I express my current commute much like “How I met your Mother”.  The reason I say that is I see new faces on the train that I have never seen before or again on the same commute that I have now taken 30 times.  All because I am 5 minutes later or earlier or I walked one car further or shorter.  Hell!! San Francisco claims to have 4 million people and I have ran into two different people at different times that I went to RPI with in the past 30 days and we have 4,500 students.  You can clearly tell that probability of that connection should be much smaller than it is especially with RPI being 3,000 miles away!!  Yet I can’t find the same young professional with librarian glasses to sit near me twice in 60 trips on the same track.  (Odd, but intriguing)  Now this is only one segment of my day but its all about time and experiences. 

Another part of my daily commute is the singing homeless guy who greets me every morning on my walk in.  His raspy voice, 5am shadow and barber shop choir hat really does make my morning.  Its not out of mockery it is more because it feels right.  He is as much part of my morning as Words with Friends or Diet Peach Snapple Ice Tea.  (I might take a photograph tomorrow and see if I can post it here)

 

Is it wrong that I feel part of my role during my committee is the quite girl who works for Mel Gibson in “What Women Want”.  I find myself much more in my head watching and judging people as the pass me.  Ear buds have more use than sound.  They provide protection from the outside.  I find myself wearing them to avoid dialogue at points when I am tired or when I am looking to ignore someone at work.  I am sure that I am not the first person to consider this but its fun and new for me.  At the end of the day this is my blog and I get to gab and gab about me. J; LOL; Giggles; J/K.. I think I covered all the different forms of modern insecure and indirect communication. 

I started this blog with the intent to talk about change.  I think as time has slipped away in my first 45 days in office.. (more like cube now).  I have been happy with my move and my blog which was intended to talk about my thoughts which this would qualify as.  Instead most times it lead into my inner darkness and slick ice cold mountain side… Since I have been child like I have not had the spiking urge to vent, until now….

I want to take a trip back to learned behavior.  I once was quoted in saying I get a 7 year itch.  Now, that number seven might have been correlated to my mother’s time table more than my own.  Just look at her track record and do the math of engaged to divorced… and these are the days of her/my lives.. 

Since I have always been a competitive overachiever my schedule might be more like 6 years.  Of course like any other child just trying to be one better than mom.  Once my mom released the training wheel claw and let me off to college my schedule has been 6.  My Dad’s apartment I was 6 when we moved, My Grandparents house I was 12 when we left, My Mom’s house I was 17/18 when I left, Upstate, NY I was 24 when I left, SoCal  I was 30 when I left and now the San Francisco clock has started… 36 San Diego or Barcelona?

Barcelona Beaches

I used Sand in the title of this blog something that is in Newport, San Francisco, San Diego and Barcelona.  Sand is a granular thing that floats with the changes in the wind.  Sand comes from the same structural make up but like a snow flake it is never the same.  I want to use Sand as a euphemism for family but before that I want to define family:

fam·i·ly

/ˈfæm ə li, ˈfæm li/  [fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] noun,plural-lies, adjective –noun

1.

a. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.

b. a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

2. the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.

3. the spouse and children of one person: We’re taking the family on vacation next week.

4. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.

5. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.

6. Chiefly British. approved lineage, esp. noble, titled, famous, or wealthy ancestry: young men of family.

7. a group of persons who form a household under one head, including parents, children, and servants.

8. the staff, or body of assistants, of an official: the office family.

9. a group of related things or people: the family of romantic poets; the halogen family of elements.

10. a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together: Many hippie communes of the sixties regarded themselves as families.

11. a group of products or product models made by the same manufacturer or producer.

12. Biology. the usual major subdivision of an order or suborder in the classification of plants, animals, fungi, etc., usually consisting of several genera.

13. Slang. a unit of the Mafia or Cosa Nostra operating in one area under a local leader.

It took me a while but really line I was going for was section 10 of Webster’s definition of Family.  As we evolve we develop our own family.  We do it in the traditional way through marriage and procreation or adoption, but you also do it through friends gained through experiences and regional proximity. 

Now that we defined family how to keep that network together now that we are in a borderless society.  Ease of access to text, facebook, emails and, cost of air travel has allowed us to leave the nest sooner and for longer.  Using myself as an example I have left home at 17 years old and have never truly returned.  I used undergrad as my support system from 17-22.  I then parlayed my undergrad rugby experience to gain traction in SoCal from 24-26 and then dove deeper into the community with graduate school from 26-28.  Now that I am 30 in a new city and school for the most part in my rearview mirror how do I do it again?  Maybe it is rugby again but it has to be the right group.. or a really good bar discount. (I kid, I kid)

I have family and friends who have bowed out of free agency and have established that traditional family some are deeper down the road than others.  For example I recently attended a “Jack & Jill” baby shower for what I consider highly ranked Family but Webster would rank them as 10^th. 

It was fun but the take away is that is was family.  I have heard feedback from numerous sources asking why I would fly for a baby shower.  I guess since I didn’t put much thought into the alternative of not going really helps you define my alliances.  (Now my inquires were from people who were not form my inner circle, they got it).  I also had the chance to catch up with other parts of my Family #10 tree and I was only on the ground for 36 hours.  Not bad really.

I recently had my 30^th birthday in New York with my traditional family (well half, mom and I were not on speaking terms but that has since changed… sort of).  I also had representation from High School, RPI and UCI which was a nice feeling.  Like I said we are now borderless.  My recent going away from SoCal had faces upon faces of history in attendance.  I know I did not have a chance to talk to everyone but I saw again faces from RPI, Rugby, Merage, UCI & again Family #10.  This isn’t as much about me as it sounds because everyone one wants to see each other as well, but the point is that extended family finds its way back together.  All that time and personal experience was filling the room.  Sand from all different beaches I traveled. 

I left a lot of history in SoCal but I don’t feel it is lost by any means.  Not like my childhood.  I moved from place to place when I was too young and didn’t understand the benefits of foundation and networking until about the age of 19-20 when my track record of Family #10 really blossoms with my RPI friends and all that followed.  One of my gifts for my 30^th was a Kodak digital picture frame.  It might seem small but it was prominent.  It might have been one of the facilitators that broke the silence with my mother and I (that and the bottle of Scotch, also my Aunt’s video tribute too.)  It sits in front of my face daily at work.  It is the first thing I turn on and the last thing I turn off everyday.  It allows me to capture and revisit all those experiences and times in my life. 

I heard a quote in the airport from a fellow passenger talking about how she had it all figured it out at 22 but now at 30 she is clueless.  I think many in the free agency market feel the same way at 30.  I also think that at 30 a lot of those youthful insecurities and feeling to prove thyself begins to melt away.  At 30 you almost feel as if you finally arrived.  Maybe it is because you lose that you are only a “Twenty-Something” what do you know moniker.  Maybe it’s my fresh start and my 30^th conveniently coinciding that allows me to relate the change easier.  On the flip side I do have a bed time and don’t nearly party at the rate I once did.  I once heard when you will wake up at 30 and will feel that wall.  But when you hear that at 22 you are like no way I SUPERMAN and invincible my bounce back time is instantly.  This can be taken to many phases in a man’s life at least. 

I leave you with this.  Live everyday as if you are as invincible and driven as you were at 22 with the freedom and confidence as you are once you hit 30.  In today’s society with the clocks being rolled back and 30 is the new 20 and 40 is the new 30.  You can now follow through succeed with what your parents, coaches and teachers once said: “If I knew then what I know now, things would be much different”.  Well if you are 30, 40 or 50 the new rules apply and you have an extra 10 years than our forefathers.  You need an example look at Clooney, Pitt and Downey.  Nobody has yet to challenge them off their perch and they have been here for years at #1.  (maybe I just finally dated myself because I don’t know the cast of Glee or Twilight, but I just don’t have the same confidence in them.  Hell Al Bundy is coming back into style)

We need people in their 30s to take the reins and charge forward.  Nobody will hand you your experiences if you sit idol.  Life imitates art and art imitates life.  Just look at the Hangover for another example, everyone loves the movie but wont confess they want their life to be filled with all the memories we saw in that final scene’s digital camera. (maybe not the elevator scene) but everyone wants to look back and know they had a great run and gave it their all.  Your life doesn’t have to be a drunken stupor but it should be lived to the fullest because time expires if you are active or on the couch.  Time like Karma is a fickle bitch…

The Path….

Do you pick your path or does your path pick you? When is that tipping point? When do you no longer have a choice? How long do you have before your path passes you bye?  These are the questions I am always asking myself and those around me.

I am never sure if I am just more driven them some or just too stubborn to give up.  I feel there is a distinct difference between these two paths.  On one hand I am just a harder work than most. On the other hand I could be just too scared to fail and become blind to the big picture while focusing on a single prize.  Only the former is admirable.

Maybe it is my athletic background, education or, work experience in finance and the world of securities when I say this.  “Historical performance is no guarantee for future performance”, but it is the nurture that could help you over come your human nature.  We are all programmed with the DNA to achieve certain things.  It is all a matter what drives us to make the most out of our abilities.  For some that burning candle is more of a smoldering wick than a burning inferno.  For some that wick isn’t long enough and for others it gets clipped before it can ignite.

I have recently talked to friends and family members about their journey.  I had an Uncle who said he feels there is never enough education.  He also said that he wishes he did more with his degree. He is considering going back for his MBA now, which would allow him an extension to his current path.  He started as a division one athlete in soccer getting a bachelors degree in writing and English.  He found himself on Wall Street in finance and sales in the heart of the city rat race as Wall Street was going through a crash.  He was always a self-starter and entrepreneur and not one to be hitting the phonebooks cold calling for clients.  It wasn’t his lack of drive and desire; it was just the wrong path.  At 24 years of age he found himself an owner of his first bar & restaurant in NYC.   The only thing more difficult than making it in the finance business in NYC; was making it in the food & drink business.  He went on to open 4 more ventures and being the labeled “The Boys of Bayside”.  He now has 3 kids and a happy family.  He works a stable job in our family’s famous “Phone Company” (Verizon to everyone else, but to us there was only the 1 phone company).  The bar & restaurants are obliviously still in the back ground, but they don’t provide the benefits to insure the health of a family.

Now I know he is happy.  Maybe he would have liked to have been a writer but he always wanted to be a Husband & Father.  He is providing in a fashion that I currently couldn’t fathom, both financially and responsibility.  He recently told me “Life is expensive”.  After spending a week with them on vacation, I would have to agree.  I know that at 29 I could not have a child let alone 2 or 3 as some of my relatives have had.  Life events like these are part of my relentless question.  When life happens like this your path changes.  Now this is not an example of failure.  It is though a challenge that tests your values and goals.  This becomes your tipping point.  You are no longer a single person.  You are now responsible to someone else.  You are responsible to a wife or husband.  You are now responsible for this unbiased, unsuspecting, evolving newborn life.

I think there is still an inflection point in life where you make that decision of how and what you are willing to compromise.  To live a shared life you need compromise and be understanding.  Now is this the chicken or the egg?  Can you set your path and plot your life before taking on shared compromise? You will always have personal compromise.  Personal compromise exists in multiple setting and multiple layers.  Examples could be: Which schools do I want to attend and which schools will I get admitted?  What is the price I must pay to eat this cheesecake? Am I willing to suffer the weight gain? Or am I willing to commit the time to counter/overcome this hurdle.

Since I am single (some what by design), I can be selfish and try to line up as many ducks in a row before I face those shared choices. Is love and life something I can control for no not 100%.  I can though set short and long range goals for the quality of life I would like to live and the career I feel will be best suited for my abilities as well as desires.  I can pursue those goals with reckless abandon until I intersect that life path where I will need to make a choice.

Part of that design is that I have witness failure in relationships.  Failure when it comes to understanding compromise.  I understand my limitations when it comes to relationships.  I am also aware of what it is what I want in a relationship.  I approach all things with a very systematic approach.  I try to identify what it is what I want.  I then try to identify how it can be accomplished.  I then begin the process to achieve said goal.  I try to be the best I can be at what ever it is I set my mind to.  I once said that I would give up talent for people who understand the team and who understand the battle.  I am a person that might hate losing more than I enjoy winning.  This is an advantage as well as a handicap.  Bill Parcells once said: “There is winning and there is misery.”

The most important part of that personal evaluation is that I understand my tipping point.  I am just not sure that most people can say the same. My friend said to me that he couldn’t stand another day in a classroom.  This was when I told him that I was going to start preparing for the LSAT.  He said you must really love school.  It is true that I enjoy school.  I enjoy learning and growing.  I love the team and collaborative environment that school fosters.  As much as I like school I like more the challenge and dynamic change school provides.

I just heard in the Notorious BIG movie a great quote: “You can’t change the world, until you change yourself.”

In academics it is all about breading change.  The pedestrian bridge at my undergrad once said “Why not change the world”.  Now it says “One world changes everything”.  The concept remains the same.  You will not become the Third baseman for the New York Yankees until you understand your limitations.  Failure and weakness create strength and awareness.  Reflection and documentation create accountability.  Without awareness, accountability you can not create goals.  Without goals you can not create your path.

I leave you with this.  “The Path” is just an opportunity.  Opportunities like windows close eventually.  Opportunities are like potential.  Here is another Bill Parcells quote: “I think he’s got good potential, but he needs a lot of work.” So no matter what your potential is, if you do not work at that goal it will become just another closed window.  Do not let your paths decide your future.  Take control and keep your eyes on the horizon.  Keeping your eyes up is the only way to see any of life’s speed bumps on the way.  The key things to remember are: Plan, Prepare, Review and Adjust.  You might take shorter or longer paths, but the key is always find a way to obtain your goals.

I set a goal to write and reflect more frequently through this blog.  Today I was asked where my posts have been, so I am now accountable.  I appreciate being held to the fire.  Goals are only as good as your measuring stick.