The Power of Online…

Waking up this morning I did not know how my day would unfold.  I knew that I would make my half marathon training run and finish my laundry all while watching a bit of College Basketball.  Outside of that minor to do list I had the entire day at my disposal.  Laundry and running were done by noon, so I did what any blistered and tired young man would do.  I played PS3 while watching March Madness and MLB spring training.  I was able to catch up and take care of a few things like talking to my Mother, my Aunt and a solid nap during another wild upset of #1 Kanas by little #9 Northern Iowa.

My Mother seems to be doing great.  She just came back from an exciting vacation, she seemed a lot more active on this trip than I remember from trips past.  She took a zip line ride off the cruise ship, boogie boarded in a wave pool and scaled a wall.  It sounded like a real productive few days.  My Mother was on her way to visit my Grandparents who are currently in assisted living care under supervision of my Aunt so I let her go.  Following my call with Mom, I took the chance to reach out to my Aunt who dropped me a line the day before.  I knew she would be available because she was expecting my Mother.  Not to often can you lock down a Mother of 5 on a Saturday afternoon, so I had to move quickly to reach my Aunt.  Of course she was on the other line and I left a message.  With in minutes my phone rang and it was my Aunt.  We had a great chance to settle on a few outstanding misconceptions and reconfirm support of one another.

Now with those to big talks complete it was 1pm and my aspiring Yankee needed a few minor league games to build upon his resume of underperforming for the Double A affiliate in Trenton.  While continuing to strike out and get lectured by my animated online Manager I found myself fading as if it was 4am but it was only 4pm.  I decided it was time for a much needed big boy nap as Kansas was fallennng way behind and all appeared lost.  I quickly moved my folded clean laundry to the other side of the bed and I was out!!

Waking up at 6pm with the sun still shining I realized that all that day at my disposable was being disposed of.  With the clock ticking and hours slipping away I checked my email.  I saw an email from a Future bride who was doing the work of her groom.  With me being unsure of how I wanted to respond I decided that my legs have healed enough  that I needed to walk the city a bit.  Since my run had showed me really how close Fisherman’s Wharf was to me it was only fair that I walked in the opposite direction.  Where I found Safeway, WholeFoods and Starbucks all along AT&T Park.  I have now plotted out a good place to walk and people watch.  I found a places called the Iron Cactus and the Creamery which will be visited in the near future.  I do think I now know what pre-Giants game venues will be as well.

Collecting my thoughts of the day over a box of Whole Foods’ hot buffet I saw this tall blonde jump out of a new C-Class Benz.  Walking with good pace towards the corner I then noticed two men flanked around her, one was 5 yards ahead and the other was 5 yards behind.  I quickly realized that one of the two was with her.  Now which of the two was it? All three walked across the street at the same time and of course all three walked into Whole Foods.  Now as I watch this scene I was trying to tell because of her pace if she was mad at the guy behind or catching up to the guy ahead of her.  I had come to the conclusion that it was the guy in front who was her Boy Friend.  I then found myself reflecting on how I would behavior in the similar circumstance.   As I rewinded the scene in my head.  I noticed that he jumped out of the car and began to walk to the corner at the beat of his own agenda.  I had my confirmation when I saw the two of them join me in the Whole Foods courtyard for dinner.  She sat at an angle which clearly left her open and engaged to his every word, while he sat square to the window completely shutoff to her interests.  This sparked my memory of a quote I read earlier this on my normal commute.

“Marriages may start because of Love, but finish because of commitment”

Doing my best not to see myself as a judging cast member of Sex in the City, I decided to mosey along to cap off the rest of my day.  I began by taking a romantic walk home along the Embaracdero with the sun setting, the water crashing on the dock all while tenderly holding hands with my cup of Carmel Macciatto.  Now I finish the evening in true Carrie style by watching my netflix delivery of The Notebook, but it again struck a cord with with me ringing that quote in my head.  I then fluttered through my email as the movie was coming to a close only to notice this interesting image that I hadn’t seen together in years.

Now this image most likely means nothing to any of you but the last two names sitting side by side are my parents.  That is what I haven’t seen together in years.  Maybe it’s the sappy nature of the Notebook having the story of two people falling in love as kids then being stripped away from one another, only to find themselves together in the end.  Or the quote that stuck with me Friday afternoon.  Or the trials of my friends planning to get married in the coming months. Or the troubled couple in Whole Foods.

What ever the reason it allowed me to reflect on the day and week that had just passed.  It moved me to look for the movie “The Story of Us” which holds a special meaning to me, but with it not available on instant movie for netflix I settled for Bridgett Jones’ Diary.  Yes I had to complete the chick flick self-inflicted marathon.  Never seeing BJD before, it did not take long to figure out this was the right movie for the evening.  I felt quite like Bridgett being 30 and single with a set of goals written out for the new year and this blog being my online diary.  Only I was a caffeinated Bridget instead of an inebriated Bridget.

Well as you can tell I completely failed in avoiding being Carrie for the evening, but sometimes its good to completely let go and enjoy the evening of self-reflection; even if it makes me a complete sap!

On a some what related note.  This is one of my biggest months of Birthdays.  Some of the lucky characters are Two of my Aunts, Two of my Uncles, Two of my closets friends as well as a 5 of my other good friends.  My two closet friends are being hit by the questions of how they like being still single in their post 30 year old worlds. (Similar to Bridgett)  What have these people not read my last blog?  Well I also was asked a similar question more elegantly by one of my Aunts who is celebrating her birthday this month as well.  She said (Not asked but said, which makes it a much better setup):  ”You do realize that you are almost 31. (I only turned 30 in December) I respond: I just turned 30.  She responds: It is March your  31.  (One of my friends is 31 Tuesday)  As you continue to enjoy your 30′s it will only make it that much harder for you to settle down.  You will continue to become that much more independent and find it harder to want to compromise and/or put up with someone else’s BS!” I thought that was so well said and true.  She managed to tell me to get in gear by identifying that being independent has its upside.  I really thought it was clever and clearly as I write this it was effective.  Something had to start this internal dialogue that I needed to share tonight.  One of the birthday boys last night was put through the ringer as well hearing about all the wonderful stories of Camelot (Marriage) from all his hitched friends and sibling.  He was told that he was “Destine” to marry one of his recent Ex’s.  The other birthday boy was very optimistic this March and it wasn’t solely because Syracuse is looking dominate in the tourney, but because he was on a first date with a girl who could have potential.  (I am pulling for him since I know what his goals are for 2010.)

I wrote this with the title of “The Power of Online”.  That was because most of these interactions were driven from an online resource.  Let’s quickly recap:

1. Mom & Dad on my Buddy List
2. Steaming Bridgett Jones’ Diary
3. Email from Future Bride
4. PS3 Gaming
5. Streaming MLB Spring Training
6. Streaming March Madness
7. Online Dating
8. This Blog

Now each of these social outlets have impacted my day to form a perfect storm of relaxation and self reflection.  I actually enjoyed it and managed to get to a point of reflection that normally comes from the message at the bottom of the bottle.  This time that bottle was a warm carmel drink with the free-bee red velvet starbucks cupcake.  Tomorrow the goal is to get a haircut, maybe a bit of weights, but the ultimate goal is a walk to North Beach to test out the Italian Deli for lunch capped with coffee and a book in the afternoon to continue my acclimation to the new city as well as detailed people watching.

Which is Closed Sundays so that idea is out..

I leave you with this.  I recently spoke about border-less friends and now I am speaking on Online resources.  I know we are currently in a world which online mediums allow us to blur all borders and boundaries.   Today friends and loved ones meet online, families staying in contact on Sunday mornings through Skype and old college friends passively post photos and updates to include those who want to remain engaged.  I am now in a new city where being border-less is key to my support group.  Not knowing anyone in this city could be intimidating but has appeared to not be the case.  Maybe part of todays blog is because today was the first Saturday that I didn’t have a friend in town.  I am enjoying the move mainly because of the new job.  Its nice to have a job I enjoy because obviously I spend the majority of my week there.  This current level of content is allowing me to explore other things that I wanted to accomplish for 2010.  The SF Half Marathon is an integral part of my future goals.  Now that I have one leg of the stool with work and developing another leg with personal hobbies it only leaves the growth of a new social outlet.  Maybe it will be sparked by online mediums, maybe it will be through rugby, maybe through a new hobby.  What I do know is that I don’t know.  I am just going to keep plugging along this new path amongst the questions, suggestions and judging.  Like I said last week in 6 years I could be in a total new location along a body of water but until that point I plan to embody one of my favorite quotes:

“Every day to do something foolish, something creative, and something generous.”

Majority……

“It is not worth an intelligent man’s time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.” – G. H. Hardy

If this is the case.  How do you transfer the balance of intelligence to much needed causes than the herd?

“It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.”

By definition impossible means never being able to defeat said man.  Is it possible to educate said man? how do you educate to prevent ignorance?

These two quotes have driven my mind mad all week.  That coupled with my curiosity to watch how people react in times of stress.  I am not sure if I have written/alluded to this before, but I am always fascinated by how people conform or rebel in groups.  People can be like lab rats fight based on their personal assessment and will to live.

Business School

Not that I want to compare lab rats to graduate students but I think I have too.  You drop 60 motivated students in a classroom to sink or swim, and they will swim or at least sink trying.  In the process to stay alive they will also lean on you to stay above water.  They don’t care if that means you have less air or are even submerged under the water.  they will do what they need to do to survive and prosper.  No other place will you be in a room with 60 very similar people with their initial instinct to be divide and conquer.  You know when you walk in that room that admissions has already sorted you as the best and the brightest to attend that program.  At least by one standard deviation, everyone in that room had tested and scored very close to the same.  Otherwise you wouldn’t of been admitted.  I recently heard of a study where they dropped a lab rat into two exactly the same containers in shape, size and, water level.  The only different is that one will be placed in a dark room and the other will in a lighted room.  The rat in the dark will give up after 30 seconds of swimming, while the one exposed to light in the otherwise same conditions will fight and swim for over 4 hours.  An effort equaled to 500 times greater.

What is the fundamental difference? The rat in the dark has no hope, the exposure to light creates an inherent driver of motivation to survive.  Similar to graduate students they are all the same, they are all in the same container and they are all in the same amount of water.  Unlike the test environment where there is one person controlling the exposure to light, instead all of your peers are the ones with their hands on the switch.  Students will shut off their peers light as they compete and dismiss those who they feel don’t their equal.  (Which is interesting because an admissions board has declared all of them the same and equal).  It is the nature and conditions of their surroundings.

California Sports Fan

This sports fan is always an interesting topic for me.  I was serenaded by the California cry daily when I arrived here.  “Where else can you surf in the morning and drive to ski in the afternoon.”  This mindset is why very few professional sports teams survive let alone thrive.  Who have survived regularly LA Lakers because of “SHOWTIME” the flash and glamour drive the market.  LA Doyers (Dodgers) because they were pioneers.

Who does not thrive: LA Kings, Anaheim Ducks, San Diego anything.  Why? Is it because California produces more flakey people than any where else? Is it because the Northeast is more hard core than any where else? I am sure these stereotypes have a hair of truth, but the reality we are all a product of our environment.

Why is Southern California filled with more transplants (yes transplants, not implants) than any where else? Because it is an active community.  The gym after work is a social standard not a new years resolution.  Tanning, running, biking, surfing are weekend rituals because they can be.  It is november 7th and I am in a robe and not much else and I am fine.  If I was still in NYC I would be buried in layers and a neck deep in adult beverages because there is not much to do but watch sports and drink beers.  That is the product of that environment, that is why people seem/claim to be harder works in NYC.  They have no choice but to stay at work or indoors to support their team instead of attempting to brave the cold.  As much as I get frustrated during NY Yankee playoff baseball because I am in the heart of LA Angel red.  It isn’t because the Angels are not a well coached team (Except in game 1,2 or 5 in the 2009 ALCS).  It is because the Angels fans are short sighted and limited in their exposure because of their balanced social and sporting life.

City Life/Dating

Big city dating is survival of the fittest.  I saw a great article in the NY Times on how living in Manhattan limits your ability to date the bridge & tunnel crowd.  On a map the distance between parts of Manhattan and sections of queens is about 15 miles or 20 minutes driving in most places.  Because of the density of people in a city, it will take over an hour and 3 trains to visit a partner.  You could be also exposed to a 100,000 singles in a radius of 15 blocks, so why would you look as far as 15 miles.  Clearly it doesn’t make sense.

NYC is not easy or cheap living.  It is a frenzy for most and this intoxicating concentration of choice and options can quickly limit or erase your future options.  I know people who have submerged in the deep and fruitful garden of eden we call New York City, Chicago and/or San Francisco.  Catching fish after fish and living it weekend after weekend.  Next thing you know you are 45 years old and HBO has made a movie about you as either Carrie or Big depending on your gender.

New York!!!!
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There’s nothing you can’t do,
Now you’re in New York!!!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let’s hear it for New York, New York, New York – Alicia Keys

My uncle always said that some drugs make you brand new, and a new man always wants more.   It hits me like a wave where I envy this lifestyle an then I remember that the city is really just a legal drug that can consume you until it is done with you.  It is amazing but extremely addictive and dangerous.

Public vs Private HS

I have had the luxury to experience both sides sort of.  I grew up in the inner-boroughs of NYC seeing the diversity and melting pot of the city.  There was not happy bubble or fairy tale blanket of naive bliss.

I also was moved to a suburban High School in Connecticut to a some what exclusive neighborhood.  All those after school stories or TV sitcoms on how rich children act is very accurate.  I like to believe that the more intimate smaller classrooms provided in the nicer some what private schools allow for a lot of exploration.  Curiosity and communication can really develop a young child.  It sets building blocks that could build a strong foundation.  Curiosity has also killed the cat.

In public schools things happen fast and decisions are made. It can happen in both settings, but it seems that there is a greater chance for poor choices in public schools.  Again it is the product of their environment.  I am bias towards smaller more private schools but I know they are both as equally dangerous.  Any extra time on your hands means getting into your parents booze, smokes and dirty magazines.  Kids will be kids and I had the benefit or working fast and learning to hustle.  Then being conditioned and sculpted in the private setting second.  I don’t think a suburban kid could be dropped into a urban HS unless they have watch Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds.

Unions

Unions by definition protect the weakest employee.  They are a band of brothers that limit each others progress.  I speak freely about this knowing that I was raised in a union household.  They are the prototype for the herd mentality.

Definition: The term herd mentality is derived from the word “herd,” meaning group of animals, and “mentality,” implying a certain frame of mind. However the most succinct definition would be: how large numbers of people act in the same ways at the same times.

Herd behavior is distinguished from herd mentality because it applies to all animals, whereas the term “mentality” implies a uniquely human phenomenon. Herd mentality implies a fear-based reaction to peer pressure which makes individuals act in order to avoid feeling “left behind” from the group. Herd mentality is also sometimes known as “mob mentality.”

Conclusion

What was my goal with this post? I wanted to identify how herds operate in different settings.

Herd mentality describes how people are influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors, follow trends, and/or purchase items. Examples of the herd mentality include the early adopters of high technology products such as cell phones and iPods, as well as stock market trends, fashions in apparel, cars, home décor, etc. Social psychologists study the related topics of group intelligence, crowd wisdom, and decentralized decision making.

People in these herds are broken up into two groups, explains Friedrich Nietzsche, a philosopher who coined the phrase. One lended itself to the religious points of views- their beliefs and how those dictated their actions- while the other lended itself to influence by the media- based upon what others perceive as ‘right’ (following trends, social norms, etc.). Nietzsche perceived these two forms of subservience to be a weakness among the common man, and that the “Superman” as Nietzsche terms is the one who overcomes the values of the fallible herd.

I leave you with this.  I want to circle back to my initial two quotes I posted:

“It is not worth an intelligent man’s time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.” – G. H. Hardy

“It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.”

Take a minute to stop and listen.  Listen to what is being said to you.  Take a second to put down your iPhone or texting device.  Take a minute to see if you are following or leading.  Find out if you are reacting or making decisions.  Find out if you are imploring change or just accepting status quo.  If you really want to make a different and be an innovator of change.  Step out of the majority, step out of the shadows of the “Norm”.  No need to argue with an ignorant man, but there is a need to educate them to accomplish common goals.  I am not saying we all have the answers, but we all have the ability to ask the questions that could lead to the answers which influence change and progress.

The Path….

Do you pick your path or does your path pick you? When is that tipping point? When do you no longer have a choice? How long do you have before your path passes you bye?  These are the questions I am always asking myself and those around me.

I am never sure if I am just more driven them some or just too stubborn to give up.  I feel there is a distinct difference between these two paths.  On one hand I am just a harder work than most. On the other hand I could be just too scared to fail and become blind to the big picture while focusing on a single prize.  Only the former is admirable.

Maybe it is my athletic background, education or, work experience in finance and the world of securities when I say this.  “Historical performance is no guarantee for future performance”, but it is the nurture that could help you over come your human nature.  We are all programmed with the DNA to achieve certain things.  It is all a matter what drives us to make the most out of our abilities.  For some that burning candle is more of a smoldering wick than a burning inferno.  For some that wick isn’t long enough and for others it gets clipped before it can ignite.

I have recently talked to friends and family members about their journey.  I had an Uncle who said he feels there is never enough education.  He also said that he wishes he did more with his degree. He is considering going back for his MBA now, which would allow him an extension to his current path.  He started as a division one athlete in soccer getting a bachelors degree in writing and English.  He found himself on Wall Street in finance and sales in the heart of the city rat race as Wall Street was going through a crash.  He was always a self-starter and entrepreneur and not one to be hitting the phonebooks cold calling for clients.  It wasn’t his lack of drive and desire; it was just the wrong path.  At 24 years of age he found himself an owner of his first bar & restaurant in NYC.   The only thing more difficult than making it in the finance business in NYC; was making it in the food & drink business.  He went on to open 4 more ventures and being the labeled “The Boys of Bayside”.  He now has 3 kids and a happy family.  He works a stable job in our family’s famous “Phone Company” (Verizon to everyone else, but to us there was only the 1 phone company).  The bar & restaurants are obliviously still in the back ground, but they don’t provide the benefits to insure the health of a family.

Now I know he is happy.  Maybe he would have liked to have been a writer but he always wanted to be a Husband & Father.  He is providing in a fashion that I currently couldn’t fathom, both financially and responsibility.  He recently told me “Life is expensive”.  After spending a week with them on vacation, I would have to agree.  I know that at 29 I could not have a child let alone 2 or 3 as some of my relatives have had.  Life events like these are part of my relentless question.  When life happens like this your path changes.  Now this is not an example of failure.  It is though a challenge that tests your values and goals.  This becomes your tipping point.  You are no longer a single person.  You are now responsible to someone else.  You are responsible to a wife or husband.  You are now responsible for this unbiased, unsuspecting, evolving newborn life.

I think there is still an inflection point in life where you make that decision of how and what you are willing to compromise.  To live a shared life you need compromise and be understanding.  Now is this the chicken or the egg?  Can you set your path and plot your life before taking on shared compromise? You will always have personal compromise.  Personal compromise exists in multiple setting and multiple layers.  Examples could be: Which schools do I want to attend and which schools will I get admitted?  What is the price I must pay to eat this cheesecake? Am I willing to suffer the weight gain? Or am I willing to commit the time to counter/overcome this hurdle.

Since I am single (some what by design), I can be selfish and try to line up as many ducks in a row before I face those shared choices. Is love and life something I can control for no not 100%.  I can though set short and long range goals for the quality of life I would like to live and the career I feel will be best suited for my abilities as well as desires.  I can pursue those goals with reckless abandon until I intersect that life path where I will need to make a choice.

Part of that design is that I have witness failure in relationships.  Failure when it comes to understanding compromise.  I understand my limitations when it comes to relationships.  I am also aware of what it is what I want in a relationship.  I approach all things with a very systematic approach.  I try to identify what it is what I want.  I then try to identify how it can be accomplished.  I then begin the process to achieve said goal.  I try to be the best I can be at what ever it is I set my mind to.  I once said that I would give up talent for people who understand the team and who understand the battle.  I am a person that might hate losing more than I enjoy winning.  This is an advantage as well as a handicap.  Bill Parcells once said: “There is winning and there is misery.”

The most important part of that personal evaluation is that I understand my tipping point.  I am just not sure that most people can say the same. My friend said to me that he couldn’t stand another day in a classroom.  This was when I told him that I was going to start preparing for the LSAT.  He said you must really love school.  It is true that I enjoy school.  I enjoy learning and growing.  I love the team and collaborative environment that school fosters.  As much as I like school I like more the challenge and dynamic change school provides.

I just heard in the Notorious BIG movie a great quote: “You can’t change the world, until you change yourself.”

In academics it is all about breading change.  The pedestrian bridge at my undergrad once said “Why not change the world”.  Now it says “One world changes everything”.  The concept remains the same.  You will not become the Third baseman for the New York Yankees until you understand your limitations.  Failure and weakness create strength and awareness.  Reflection and documentation create accountability.  Without awareness, accountability you can not create goals.  Without goals you can not create your path.

I leave you with this.  “The Path” is just an opportunity.  Opportunities like windows close eventually.  Opportunities are like potential.  Here is another Bill Parcells quote: “I think he’s got good potential, but he needs a lot of work.” So no matter what your potential is, if you do not work at that goal it will become just another closed window.  Do not let your paths decide your future.  Take control and keep your eyes on the horizon.  Keeping your eyes up is the only way to see any of life’s speed bumps on the way.  The key things to remember are: Plan, Prepare, Review and Adjust.  You might take shorter or longer paths, but the key is always find a way to obtain your goals.

I set a goal to write and reflect more frequently through this blog.  Today I was asked where my posts have been, so I am now accountable.  I appreciate being held to the fire.  Goals are only as good as your measuring stick.