Sands of Time…

Padre, It has been months from my last confession (I mean blog)….. Instead of Congressional Library of “Our Fathers” I owe, I will just jump into this.

One feels invincible and ever lasting in their youth.  Time continues to expire no matter if you have a watchful eye or not.  Just ask the carton of eggs in the back of my refrigerator.  My eggs like most things were full of good intentions, only to be ignored and let slip away into the cold refrigerated night (more like weeks than night, but I digress)…

Not all experiences are about expiration but they are mostly about the time and phase in which they occurred.  Recently moving on from the sea salt scented air of the Southern California night, I have let months slip as I get acclimated to the urine filled air of Northern California.  Someone once said that: “They loved the smell of napalm in the Morning” but I would have to say that nothing snaps your head back like fresh piss in a subway.. (MORNING!!) 

With my new life and childish curiosity I have walked the streets and ridden the train (G-Rated Train) doe eyed and amazed just soaking in all the new faces, styles, and communications.   Last night I express my current commute much like “How I met your Mother”.  The reason I say that is I see new faces on the train that I have never seen before or again on the same commute that I have now taken 30 times.  All because I am 5 minutes later or earlier or I walked one car further or shorter.  Hell!! San Francisco claims to have 4 million people and I have ran into two different people at different times that I went to RPI with in the past 30 days and we have 4,500 students.  You can clearly tell that probability of that connection should be much smaller than it is especially with RPI being 3,000 miles away!!  Yet I can’t find the same young professional with librarian glasses to sit near me twice in 60 trips on the same track.  (Odd, but intriguing)  Now this is only one segment of my day but its all about time and experiences. 

Another part of my daily commute is the singing homeless guy who greets me every morning on my walk in.  His raspy voice, 5am shadow and barber shop choir hat really does make my morning.  Its not out of mockery it is more because it feels right.  He is as much part of my morning as Words with Friends or Diet Peach Snapple Ice Tea.  (I might take a photograph tomorrow and see if I can post it here)

 

Is it wrong that I feel part of my role during my committee is the quite girl who works for Mel Gibson in “What Women Want”.  I find myself much more in my head watching and judging people as the pass me.  Ear buds have more use than sound.  They provide protection from the outside.  I find myself wearing them to avoid dialogue at points when I am tired or when I am looking to ignore someone at work.  I am sure that I am not the first person to consider this but its fun and new for me.  At the end of the day this is my blog and I get to gab and gab about me. J; LOL; Giggles; J/K.. I think I covered all the different forms of modern insecure and indirect communication. 

I started this blog with the intent to talk about change.  I think as time has slipped away in my first 45 days in office.. (more like cube now).  I have been happy with my move and my blog which was intended to talk about my thoughts which this would qualify as.  Instead most times it lead into my inner darkness and slick ice cold mountain side… Since I have been child like I have not had the spiking urge to vent, until now….

I want to take a trip back to learned behavior.  I once was quoted in saying I get a 7 year itch.  Now, that number seven might have been correlated to my mother’s time table more than my own.  Just look at her track record and do the math of engaged to divorced… and these are the days of her/my lives.. 

Since I have always been a competitive overachiever my schedule might be more like 6 years.  Of course like any other child just trying to be one better than mom.  Once my mom released the training wheel claw and let me off to college my schedule has been 6.  My Dad’s apartment I was 6 when we moved, My Grandparents house I was 12 when we left, My Mom’s house I was 17/18 when I left, Upstate, NY I was 24 when I left, SoCal  I was 30 when I left and now the San Francisco clock has started… 36 San Diego or Barcelona?

Barcelona Beaches

I used Sand in the title of this blog something that is in Newport, San Francisco, San Diego and Barcelona.  Sand is a granular thing that floats with the changes in the wind.  Sand comes from the same structural make up but like a snow flake it is never the same.  I want to use Sand as a euphemism for family but before that I want to define family:

fam·i·ly

/ˈfæm ə li, ˈfæm li/  [fam-uh-lee, fam-lee] noun,plural-lies, adjective –noun

1.

a. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.

b. a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.

2. the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.

3. the spouse and children of one person: We’re taking the family on vacation next week.

4. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.

5. all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.

6. Chiefly British. approved lineage, esp. noble, titled, famous, or wealthy ancestry: young men of family.

7. a group of persons who form a household under one head, including parents, children, and servants.

8. the staff, or body of assistants, of an official: the office family.

9. a group of related things or people: the family of romantic poets; the halogen family of elements.

10. a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together: Many hippie communes of the sixties regarded themselves as families.

11. a group of products or product models made by the same manufacturer or producer.

12. Biology. the usual major subdivision of an order or suborder in the classification of plants, animals, fungi, etc., usually consisting of several genera.

13. Slang. a unit of the Mafia or Cosa Nostra operating in one area under a local leader.

It took me a while but really line I was going for was section 10 of Webster’s definition of Family.  As we evolve we develop our own family.  We do it in the traditional way through marriage and procreation or adoption, but you also do it through friends gained through experiences and regional proximity. 

Now that we defined family how to keep that network together now that we are in a borderless society.  Ease of access to text, facebook, emails and, cost of air travel has allowed us to leave the nest sooner and for longer.  Using myself as an example I have left home at 17 years old and have never truly returned.  I used undergrad as my support system from 17-22.  I then parlayed my undergrad rugby experience to gain traction in SoCal from 24-26 and then dove deeper into the community with graduate school from 26-28.  Now that I am 30 in a new city and school for the most part in my rearview mirror how do I do it again?  Maybe it is rugby again but it has to be the right group.. or a really good bar discount. (I kid, I kid)

I have family and friends who have bowed out of free agency and have established that traditional family some are deeper down the road than others.  For example I recently attended a “Jack & Jill” baby shower for what I consider highly ranked Family but Webster would rank them as 10^th. 

It was fun but the take away is that is was family.  I have heard feedback from numerous sources asking why I would fly for a baby shower.  I guess since I didn’t put much thought into the alternative of not going really helps you define my alliances.  (Now my inquires were from people who were not form my inner circle, they got it).  I also had the chance to catch up with other parts of my Family #10 tree and I was only on the ground for 36 hours.  Not bad really.

I recently had my 30^th birthday in New York with my traditional family (well half, mom and I were not on speaking terms but that has since changed… sort of).  I also had representation from High School, RPI and UCI which was a nice feeling.  Like I said we are now borderless.  My recent going away from SoCal had faces upon faces of history in attendance.  I know I did not have a chance to talk to everyone but I saw again faces from RPI, Rugby, Merage, UCI & again Family #10.  This isn’t as much about me as it sounds because everyone one wants to see each other as well, but the point is that extended family finds its way back together.  All that time and personal experience was filling the room.  Sand from all different beaches I traveled. 

I left a lot of history in SoCal but I don’t feel it is lost by any means.  Not like my childhood.  I moved from place to place when I was too young and didn’t understand the benefits of foundation and networking until about the age of 19-20 when my track record of Family #10 really blossoms with my RPI friends and all that followed.  One of my gifts for my 30^th was a Kodak digital picture frame.  It might seem small but it was prominent.  It might have been one of the facilitators that broke the silence with my mother and I (that and the bottle of Scotch, also my Aunt’s video tribute too.)  It sits in front of my face daily at work.  It is the first thing I turn on and the last thing I turn off everyday.  It allows me to capture and revisit all those experiences and times in my life. 

I heard a quote in the airport from a fellow passenger talking about how she had it all figured it out at 22 but now at 30 she is clueless.  I think many in the free agency market feel the same way at 30.  I also think that at 30 a lot of those youthful insecurities and feeling to prove thyself begins to melt away.  At 30 you almost feel as if you finally arrived.  Maybe it is because you lose that you are only a “Twenty-Something” what do you know moniker.  Maybe it’s my fresh start and my 30^th conveniently coinciding that allows me to relate the change easier.  On the flip side I do have a bed time and don’t nearly party at the rate I once did.  I once heard when you will wake up at 30 and will feel that wall.  But when you hear that at 22 you are like no way I SUPERMAN and invincible my bounce back time is instantly.  This can be taken to many phases in a man’s life at least. 

I leave you with this.  Live everyday as if you are as invincible and driven as you were at 22 with the freedom and confidence as you are once you hit 30.  In today’s society with the clocks being rolled back and 30 is the new 20 and 40 is the new 30.  You can now follow through succeed with what your parents, coaches and teachers once said: “If I knew then what I know now, things would be much different”.  Well if you are 30, 40 or 50 the new rules apply and you have an extra 10 years than our forefathers.  You need an example look at Clooney, Pitt and Downey.  Nobody has yet to challenge them off their perch and they have been here for years at #1.  (maybe I just finally dated myself because I don’t know the cast of Glee or Twilight, but I just don’t have the same confidence in them.  Hell Al Bundy is coming back into style)

We need people in their 30s to take the reins and charge forward.  Nobody will hand you your experiences if you sit idol.  Life imitates art and art imitates life.  Just look at the Hangover for another example, everyone loves the movie but wont confess they want their life to be filled with all the memories we saw in that final scene’s digital camera. (maybe not the elevator scene) but everyone wants to look back and know they had a great run and gave it their all.  Your life doesn’t have to be a drunken stupor but it should be lived to the fullest because time expires if you are active or on the couch.  Time like Karma is a fickle bitch…

Majority……

“It is not worth an intelligent man’s time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.” – G. H. Hardy

If this is the case.  How do you transfer the balance of intelligence to much needed causes than the herd?

“It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.”

By definition impossible means never being able to defeat said man.  Is it possible to educate said man? how do you educate to prevent ignorance?

These two quotes have driven my mind mad all week.  That coupled with my curiosity to watch how people react in times of stress.  I am not sure if I have written/alluded to this before, but I am always fascinated by how people conform or rebel in groups.  People can be like lab rats fight based on their personal assessment and will to live.

Business School

Not that I want to compare lab rats to graduate students but I think I have too.  You drop 60 motivated students in a classroom to sink or swim, and they will swim or at least sink trying.  In the process to stay alive they will also lean on you to stay above water.  They don’t care if that means you have less air or are even submerged under the water.  they will do what they need to do to survive and prosper.  No other place will you be in a room with 60 very similar people with their initial instinct to be divide and conquer.  You know when you walk in that room that admissions has already sorted you as the best and the brightest to attend that program.  At least by one standard deviation, everyone in that room had tested and scored very close to the same.  Otherwise you wouldn’t of been admitted.  I recently heard of a study where they dropped a lab rat into two exactly the same containers in shape, size and, water level.  The only different is that one will be placed in a dark room and the other will in a lighted room.  The rat in the dark will give up after 30 seconds of swimming, while the one exposed to light in the otherwise same conditions will fight and swim for over 4 hours.  An effort equaled to 500 times greater.

What is the fundamental difference? The rat in the dark has no hope, the exposure to light creates an inherent driver of motivation to survive.  Similar to graduate students they are all the same, they are all in the same container and they are all in the same amount of water.  Unlike the test environment where there is one person controlling the exposure to light, instead all of your peers are the ones with their hands on the switch.  Students will shut off their peers light as they compete and dismiss those who they feel don’t their equal.  (Which is interesting because an admissions board has declared all of them the same and equal).  It is the nature and conditions of their surroundings.

California Sports Fan

This sports fan is always an interesting topic for me.  I was serenaded by the California cry daily when I arrived here.  “Where else can you surf in the morning and drive to ski in the afternoon.”  This mindset is why very few professional sports teams survive let alone thrive.  Who have survived regularly LA Lakers because of “SHOWTIME” the flash and glamour drive the market.  LA Doyers (Dodgers) because they were pioneers.

Who does not thrive: LA Kings, Anaheim Ducks, San Diego anything.  Why? Is it because California produces more flakey people than any where else? Is it because the Northeast is more hard core than any where else? I am sure these stereotypes have a hair of truth, but the reality we are all a product of our environment.

Why is Southern California filled with more transplants (yes transplants, not implants) than any where else? Because it is an active community.  The gym after work is a social standard not a new years resolution.  Tanning, running, biking, surfing are weekend rituals because they can be.  It is november 7th and I am in a robe and not much else and I am fine.  If I was still in NYC I would be buried in layers and a neck deep in adult beverages because there is not much to do but watch sports and drink beers.  That is the product of that environment, that is why people seem/claim to be harder works in NYC.  They have no choice but to stay at work or indoors to support their team instead of attempting to brave the cold.  As much as I get frustrated during NY Yankee playoff baseball because I am in the heart of LA Angel red.  It isn’t because the Angels are not a well coached team (Except in game 1,2 or 5 in the 2009 ALCS).  It is because the Angels fans are short sighted and limited in their exposure because of their balanced social and sporting life.

City Life/Dating

Big city dating is survival of the fittest.  I saw a great article in the NY Times on how living in Manhattan limits your ability to date the bridge & tunnel crowd.  On a map the distance between parts of Manhattan and sections of queens is about 15 miles or 20 minutes driving in most places.  Because of the density of people in a city, it will take over an hour and 3 trains to visit a partner.  You could be also exposed to a 100,000 singles in a radius of 15 blocks, so why would you look as far as 15 miles.  Clearly it doesn’t make sense.

NYC is not easy or cheap living.  It is a frenzy for most and this intoxicating concentration of choice and options can quickly limit or erase your future options.  I know people who have submerged in the deep and fruitful garden of eden we call New York City, Chicago and/or San Francisco.  Catching fish after fish and living it weekend after weekend.  Next thing you know you are 45 years old and HBO has made a movie about you as either Carrie or Big depending on your gender.

New York!!!!
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of,
There’s nothing you can’t do,
Now you’re in New York!!!
These streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you,
Let’s hear it for New York, New York, New York – Alicia Keys

My uncle always said that some drugs make you brand new, and a new man always wants more.   It hits me like a wave where I envy this lifestyle an then I remember that the city is really just a legal drug that can consume you until it is done with you.  It is amazing but extremely addictive and dangerous.

Public vs Private HS

I have had the luxury to experience both sides sort of.  I grew up in the inner-boroughs of NYC seeing the diversity and melting pot of the city.  There was not happy bubble or fairy tale blanket of naive bliss.

I also was moved to a suburban High School in Connecticut to a some what exclusive neighborhood.  All those after school stories or TV sitcoms on how rich children act is very accurate.  I like to believe that the more intimate smaller classrooms provided in the nicer some what private schools allow for a lot of exploration.  Curiosity and communication can really develop a young child.  It sets building blocks that could build a strong foundation.  Curiosity has also killed the cat.

In public schools things happen fast and decisions are made. It can happen in both settings, but it seems that there is a greater chance for poor choices in public schools.  Again it is the product of their environment.  I am bias towards smaller more private schools but I know they are both as equally dangerous.  Any extra time on your hands means getting into your parents booze, smokes and dirty magazines.  Kids will be kids and I had the benefit or working fast and learning to hustle.  Then being conditioned and sculpted in the private setting second.  I don’t think a suburban kid could be dropped into a urban HS unless they have watch Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds.

Unions

Unions by definition protect the weakest employee.  They are a band of brothers that limit each others progress.  I speak freely about this knowing that I was raised in a union household.  They are the prototype for the herd mentality.

Definition: The term herd mentality is derived from the word “herd,” meaning group of animals, and “mentality,” implying a certain frame of mind. However the most succinct definition would be: how large numbers of people act in the same ways at the same times.

Herd behavior is distinguished from herd mentality because it applies to all animals, whereas the term “mentality” implies a uniquely human phenomenon. Herd mentality implies a fear-based reaction to peer pressure which makes individuals act in order to avoid feeling “left behind” from the group. Herd mentality is also sometimes known as “mob mentality.”

Conclusion

What was my goal with this post? I wanted to identify how herds operate in different settings.

Herd mentality describes how people are influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviors, follow trends, and/or purchase items. Examples of the herd mentality include the early adopters of high technology products such as cell phones and iPods, as well as stock market trends, fashions in apparel, cars, home décor, etc. Social psychologists study the related topics of group intelligence, crowd wisdom, and decentralized decision making.

People in these herds are broken up into two groups, explains Friedrich Nietzsche, a philosopher who coined the phrase. One lended itself to the religious points of views- their beliefs and how those dictated their actions- while the other lended itself to influence by the media- based upon what others perceive as ‘right’ (following trends, social norms, etc.). Nietzsche perceived these two forms of subservience to be a weakness among the common man, and that the “Superman” as Nietzsche terms is the one who overcomes the values of the fallible herd.

I leave you with this.  I want to circle back to my initial two quotes I posted:

“It is not worth an intelligent man’s time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.” – G. H. Hardy

“It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.”

Take a minute to stop and listen.  Listen to what is being said to you.  Take a second to put down your iPhone or texting device.  Take a minute to see if you are following or leading.  Find out if you are reacting or making decisions.  Find out if you are imploring change or just accepting status quo.  If you really want to make a different and be an innovator of change.  Step out of the majority, step out of the shadows of the “Norm”.  No need to argue with an ignorant man, but there is a need to educate them to accomplish common goals.  I am not saying we all have the answers, but we all have the ability to ask the questions that could lead to the answers which influence change and progress.

The Path….. (Different Perspective)

Some people believe in fate, some believe in hard work and, some believe just plain ole dumb luck.  I was told I have made all the right moves and good decisions.  I view this comment from my Aunt like I viewed a play in this weekend’s High School football game.  There was a flag thrown for pass interference.  My one uncle said that from his perspective that there was not a penalty.  For which I replied that I bet from across the field the other fans perspective they saw the penalty.  Everyone saw the same play, but each person’s personal biases tinted their perspective differently.  The same goes for my alleged decisions.  Everyone sees the grass as greener on the other side.  My personally felt short falls are another person’s personal envy.

Internal and current conflict can lead to short-term tinting of a person’s perspective.  I spent the weekend surrounded by some of my closest friends and family.  People who I respect, trust and envy.  See no matter who it is some else is envious of something about them.  Otherwise they wouldnt be so closely connected.  It’s the same with self-confidence, some of the strongest people go through periods of self-doubt.   I saw a quote about people needing to be supported.  After a person was showing their confidence  in another person.  That person had responded: “I am glad you have so much faith in me because when it comes to me I am an atheist”.

I want to walk through some of the dialogue from my recent weekend in NYC and apply my perspective (obviously).

In my path of the weekend I saw change that challenged my existing beliefs.  I had one friend who I envy their success both professionally and personally.  I have known this person 11 years and find them confident, strong and, well versed.  This weekend they went through a self assessment.  They might have realized that their city lifestyle which is fast and ever-changing might be behind them.  Only about 10 months removed from their claim that as they get older their friends get younger because of the joy of youths social aspect in the city.  Most times when I reflect on an achievement I find myself comparing them to those adventures take by this person.  They’re of my measuring sticks for living life.

This evening I found that person confiding in me about how they would like to change the pace a bit and some details I will not disclose here fearing the loss of trust.  Even with the changes taking place in some of the areas in which I was envious of this person, it actually made me happy to see the strength of our communications for them to trust me with their personal views.  I am glad that we are growing as friends to actually go through these times together.

This leads me into an earlier conversation with a different person.  This person I have known for 20 years, with changes in our lives taking us in and mostly out of each other’s lives until recently.  Is that fate or luck, I am not sure.  I do know that this person I have huge confidence in and we are developing a great rapport.  Timing is everything.  When I first met this person at the age of 9.  I was so naive and shy, I actually remember being slightly intimidated by this little 6-year-old.  I found my self sitting across from this person this weekend with an incredible level of comfort and trust.  I won’t lie when they had first arrived I was a bit nervous (butterfly like) and again felt a moment of intimidation but still very excited.  To hang out in a new setting than normal was good.  It is good that our communications have picked up.  We normally run into each other in large groups with others pining for our attention pulling us in opposite directions not allowing for any allotment of time to catch up.  I leave this weekend knowing my gut feeling was right after all these years.  I am even more impressed with this person and their confidence.  Their life has been filled with a variety of experiences and some have been extremely challenging.  Even with adversity they have always risen above it and have proven successful.  Successful doesnt mean undefeated or unharmed.  Instead I mean they have always been transformed into a better person.  As different as our lives have been, I am amazed at how similar our core beliefs, goals and, motivations are with one another.

As I alluded to earlier we have cross paths seldom, I count about less than 10 times in over 20 years.  I can remember almost all of them.  Some of thee more memorable ones are because they are tied to the entire spectrum of life events such as a celebration of a birthday, a wedding, New Years day and a funeral.  Each of those times I have left wanting to know more as well as fortunate for the time I was able to spend.  These events cross over the celebrations of life in its many phases and are attached to strong emotions throughout people.   One of those times was my Grandfather’s funeral where I was at one of the lowest points in my life.  Unbeknownst to me this person was also going through personal turmoil.  Even at the lowest point of my confidence and faith, we sat at a table surrounded by friends and family who were all greatly affected.  The one think I do remember is that for at least an hour all my pain and troubles had went away.  This person’s smile and infections energy was able to take me away for at least the duration of that dinner.  I found a moment of healing and serenity during one of my hardest weekends.

This weekend was not any different from any before.  We had a solid conversation and personal release from our overhanging stresses and struggles for a few hours and left wanting to know more.  I am not sure in what level of frequency this person will be involved with my life going forward but I am looking forward for the chance to talk a bit more frequently than we have over the previous 20 years.

As you grow and learn it is always good to have strong, confident, genuine and supporting people in your life.  Obviously everyone in this story has been extremely important and positive people in my life.  And the main characters are currently on the east coast which makes is more challenging geographically to have the level of exposure to them as I would like.

The last major character of my 30 hour excursion to NYC has also been apart of the same 11 years as the first one.  A few of those earlier years were spent in great intensity since we were college roommates and exposed to each other on a daily basis.  This person maybe more so than most has seen me at my darkest uncensored moments in my life.  This person dropped their life on multiple occasions to drive hours at the drop of a hat to pick me up and clean me off.  We have had our moments of conflict like all people do, but it has always been resolved and has brought us even closer.  The key to this as it was with the previous two is our full and fair disclosure; coupled with brutal honesty with one another.  By no means are we perfect but this group takes their roles extremely seriously and differently.  They know when its important to hug you and when its important to kick you in the pants.

In my Aunt’s comments regarding me making the right decisions throughout my life is strongly because of the influence I have had from my supporting friends.  Not only the 3 that were highlighted because of the weekend but by all those my friends and family on both the east & west coast who have kept me on my path.  I am still not sure if it is luck or fate.  I do know I am grateful for my friends and experiences.  If I can continue to be a bit selfish and steal more of the good qualities I see in my friends in order to improve myself and accomplish my goals.  I will have a wonderful and fulfilling life.

As I wander & stray like I regularly do, I continue to regroup and reflect on what has brought me to where I am and evaluate my path from that point going forward.  I know that what ever happens to me either positively or negatively that I need to flush it out with a pen (or keystroke).  It has been 10 long months since I have been inspired or overcome with emotion to the point that I wanted to put it in words.  I am currently inflight looking back at my previous 30 hours, 10 months and, 20 years.  I know I am not at the ideal point in my life.  I have many things I would like to improve.  Part of my Aunt’s comments were directly towards me being smart to not be married yet or so young.  I know based on her currently challenges that those comments are a bit biased and tinted.  I am not upset that I am currently not married because of my experiences have brought me to a better place to understand that it is I am looking for.  I am getting better at my ability to be more humble and improve my flexibility along with skills to compromise.  I try to take off my tinted biases and perspective to understand how I could be better for that person to be named later.  I know one can not prepare for all the details of that unexpected relationship but one can create building blocks of success and communications.  I look forward to those surprises and challenges because that if the fun of growing and learning together with a person.  I am at a point of mild content as I begin to plan my next phase of my focus and improvements.  I do know my future will be unpredictable and eye opening.  I just hope that I can answer the bell when I face future opportunities as well as difficulties.

I leave you with this.  To be happy and successful it is important to be honest with one’s self and supporting group.  Even in times of bruised confidence your supporting group will pick you up.  At times they may need to level you out and make you humble while others they will just provide an ear, shoulder and tissues.  If you are honest with yourself and them.  Then they will be able to look out for you.  Each will have different methods they feel are appropriate but you must keep in mind they know you and have your best interest at heart.  No matter how hard it is to hear or accept.  You just need to make sure you surround yourself with people with strong morale fiber and be open to trust them unconditionally.

I want to take this to say THANK YOU to all my closet friends and family from the East & West Coast, and without them keeping me in line I would not be the person that I am today….