The Power of Online…

Waking up this morning I did not know how my day would unfold.  I knew that I would make my half marathon training run and finish my laundry all while watching a bit of College Basketball.  Outside of that minor to do list I had the entire day at my disposal.  Laundry and running were done by noon, so I did what any blistered and tired young man would do.  I played PS3 while watching March Madness and MLB spring training.  I was able to catch up and take care of a few things like talking to my Mother, my Aunt and a solid nap during another wild upset of #1 Kanas by little #9 Northern Iowa.

My Mother seems to be doing great.  She just came back from an exciting vacation, she seemed a lot more active on this trip than I remember from trips past.  She took a zip line ride off the cruise ship, boogie boarded in a wave pool and scaled a wall.  It sounded like a real productive few days.  My Mother was on her way to visit my Grandparents who are currently in assisted living care under supervision of my Aunt so I let her go.  Following my call with Mom, I took the chance to reach out to my Aunt who dropped me a line the day before.  I knew she would be available because she was expecting my Mother.  Not to often can you lock down a Mother of 5 on a Saturday afternoon, so I had to move quickly to reach my Aunt.  Of course she was on the other line and I left a message.  With in minutes my phone rang and it was my Aunt.  We had a great chance to settle on a few outstanding misconceptions and reconfirm support of one another.

Now with those to big talks complete it was 1pm and my aspiring Yankee needed a few minor league games to build upon his resume of underperforming for the Double A affiliate in Trenton.  While continuing to strike out and get lectured by my animated online Manager I found myself fading as if it was 4am but it was only 4pm.  I decided it was time for a much needed big boy nap as Kansas was fallennng way behind and all appeared lost.  I quickly moved my folded clean laundry to the other side of the bed and I was out!!

Waking up at 6pm with the sun still shining I realized that all that day at my disposable was being disposed of.  With the clock ticking and hours slipping away I checked my email.  I saw an email from a Future bride who was doing the work of her groom.  With me being unsure of how I wanted to respond I decided that my legs have healed enough  that I needed to walk the city a bit.  Since my run had showed me really how close Fisherman’s Wharf was to me it was only fair that I walked in the opposite direction.  Where I found Safeway, WholeFoods and Starbucks all along AT&T Park.  I have now plotted out a good place to walk and people watch.  I found a places called the Iron Cactus and the Creamery which will be visited in the near future.  I do think I now know what pre-Giants game venues will be as well.

Collecting my thoughts of the day over a box of Whole Foods’ hot buffet I saw this tall blonde jump out of a new C-Class Benz.  Walking with good pace towards the corner I then noticed two men flanked around her, one was 5 yards ahead and the other was 5 yards behind.  I quickly realized that one of the two was with her.  Now which of the two was it? All three walked across the street at the same time and of course all three walked into Whole Foods.  Now as I watch this scene I was trying to tell because of her pace if she was mad at the guy behind or catching up to the guy ahead of her.  I had come to the conclusion that it was the guy in front who was her Boy Friend.  I then found myself reflecting on how I would behavior in the similar circumstance.   As I rewinded the scene in my head.  I noticed that he jumped out of the car and began to walk to the corner at the beat of his own agenda.  I had my confirmation when I saw the two of them join me in the Whole Foods courtyard for dinner.  She sat at an angle which clearly left her open and engaged to his every word, while he sat square to the window completely shutoff to her interests.  This sparked my memory of a quote I read earlier this on my normal commute.

“Marriages may start because of Love, but finish because of commitment”

Doing my best not to see myself as a judging cast member of Sex in the City, I decided to mosey along to cap off the rest of my day.  I began by taking a romantic walk home along the Embaracdero with the sun setting, the water crashing on the dock all while tenderly holding hands with my cup of Carmel Macciatto.  Now I finish the evening in true Carrie style by watching my netflix delivery of The Notebook, but it again struck a cord with with me ringing that quote in my head.  I then fluttered through my email as the movie was coming to a close only to notice this interesting image that I hadn’t seen together in years.

Now this image most likely means nothing to any of you but the last two names sitting side by side are my parents.  That is what I haven’t seen together in years.  Maybe it’s the sappy nature of the Notebook having the story of two people falling in love as kids then being stripped away from one another, only to find themselves together in the end.  Or the quote that stuck with me Friday afternoon.  Or the trials of my friends planning to get married in the coming months. Or the troubled couple in Whole Foods.

What ever the reason it allowed me to reflect on the day and week that had just passed.  It moved me to look for the movie “The Story of Us” which holds a special meaning to me, but with it not available on instant movie for netflix I settled for Bridgett Jones’ Diary.  Yes I had to complete the chick flick self-inflicted marathon.  Never seeing BJD before, it did not take long to figure out this was the right movie for the evening.  I felt quite like Bridgett being 30 and single with a set of goals written out for the new year and this blog being my online diary.  Only I was a caffeinated Bridget instead of an inebriated Bridget.

Well as you can tell I completely failed in avoiding being Carrie for the evening, but sometimes its good to completely let go and enjoy the evening of self-reflection; even if it makes me a complete sap!

On a some what related note.  This is one of my biggest months of Birthdays.  Some of the lucky characters are Two of my Aunts, Two of my Uncles, Two of my closets friends as well as a 5 of my other good friends.  My two closet friends are being hit by the questions of how they like being still single in their post 30 year old worlds. (Similar to Bridgett)  What have these people not read my last blog?  Well I also was asked a similar question more elegantly by one of my Aunts who is celebrating her birthday this month as well.  She said (Not asked but said, which makes it a much better setup):  ”You do realize that you are almost 31. (I only turned 30 in December) I respond: I just turned 30.  She responds: It is March your  31.  (One of my friends is 31 Tuesday)  As you continue to enjoy your 30′s it will only make it that much harder for you to settle down.  You will continue to become that much more independent and find it harder to want to compromise and/or put up with someone else’s BS!” I thought that was so well said and true.  She managed to tell me to get in gear by identifying that being independent has its upside.  I really thought it was clever and clearly as I write this it was effective.  Something had to start this internal dialogue that I needed to share tonight.  One of the birthday boys last night was put through the ringer as well hearing about all the wonderful stories of Camelot (Marriage) from all his hitched friends and sibling.  He was told that he was “Destine” to marry one of his recent Ex’s.  The other birthday boy was very optimistic this March and it wasn’t solely because Syracuse is looking dominate in the tourney, but because he was on a first date with a girl who could have potential.  (I am pulling for him since I know what his goals are for 2010.)

I wrote this with the title of “The Power of Online”.  That was because most of these interactions were driven from an online resource.  Let’s quickly recap:

1. Mom & Dad on my Buddy List
2. Steaming Bridgett Jones’ Diary
3. Email from Future Bride
4. PS3 Gaming
5. Streaming MLB Spring Training
6. Streaming March Madness
7. Online Dating
8. This Blog

Now each of these social outlets have impacted my day to form a perfect storm of relaxation and self reflection.  I actually enjoyed it and managed to get to a point of reflection that normally comes from the message at the bottom of the bottle.  This time that bottle was a warm carmel drink with the free-bee red velvet starbucks cupcake.  Tomorrow the goal is to get a haircut, maybe a bit of weights, but the ultimate goal is a walk to North Beach to test out the Italian Deli for lunch capped with coffee and a book in the afternoon to continue my acclimation to the new city as well as detailed people watching.

Which is Closed Sundays so that idea is out..

I leave you with this.  I recently spoke about border-less friends and now I am speaking on Online resources.  I know we are currently in a world which online mediums allow us to blur all borders and boundaries.   Today friends and loved ones meet online, families staying in contact on Sunday mornings through Skype and old college friends passively post photos and updates to include those who want to remain engaged.  I am now in a new city where being border-less is key to my support group.  Not knowing anyone in this city could be intimidating but has appeared to not be the case.  Maybe part of todays blog is because today was the first Saturday that I didn’t have a friend in town.  I am enjoying the move mainly because of the new job.  Its nice to have a job I enjoy because obviously I spend the majority of my week there.  This current level of content is allowing me to explore other things that I wanted to accomplish for 2010.  The SF Half Marathon is an integral part of my future goals.  Now that I have one leg of the stool with work and developing another leg with personal hobbies it only leaves the growth of a new social outlet.  Maybe it will be sparked by online mediums, maybe it will be through rugby, maybe through a new hobby.  What I do know is that I don’t know.  I am just going to keep plugging along this new path amongst the questions, suggestions and judging.  Like I said last week in 6 years I could be in a total new location along a body of water but until that point I plan to embody one of my favorite quotes:

“Every day to do something foolish, something creative, and something generous.”

The Path….. (Different Perspective)

Some people believe in fate, some believe in hard work and, some believe just plain ole dumb luck.  I was told I have made all the right moves and good decisions.  I view this comment from my Aunt like I viewed a play in this weekend’s High School football game.  There was a flag thrown for pass interference.  My one uncle said that from his perspective that there was not a penalty.  For which I replied that I bet from across the field the other fans perspective they saw the penalty.  Everyone saw the same play, but each person’s personal biases tinted their perspective differently.  The same goes for my alleged decisions.  Everyone sees the grass as greener on the other side.  My personally felt short falls are another person’s personal envy.

Internal and current conflict can lead to short-term tinting of a person’s perspective.  I spent the weekend surrounded by some of my closest friends and family.  People who I respect, trust and envy.  See no matter who it is some else is envious of something about them.  Otherwise they wouldnt be so closely connected.  It’s the same with self-confidence, some of the strongest people go through periods of self-doubt.   I saw a quote about people needing to be supported.  After a person was showing their confidence  in another person.  That person had responded: “I am glad you have so much faith in me because when it comes to me I am an atheist”.

I want to walk through some of the dialogue from my recent weekend in NYC and apply my perspective (obviously).

In my path of the weekend I saw change that challenged my existing beliefs.  I had one friend who I envy their success both professionally and personally.  I have known this person 11 years and find them confident, strong and, well versed.  This weekend they went through a self assessment.  They might have realized that their city lifestyle which is fast and ever-changing might be behind them.  Only about 10 months removed from their claim that as they get older their friends get younger because of the joy of youths social aspect in the city.  Most times when I reflect on an achievement I find myself comparing them to those adventures take by this person.  They’re of my measuring sticks for living life.

This evening I found that person confiding in me about how they would like to change the pace a bit and some details I will not disclose here fearing the loss of trust.  Even with the changes taking place in some of the areas in which I was envious of this person, it actually made me happy to see the strength of our communications for them to trust me with their personal views.  I am glad that we are growing as friends to actually go through these times together.

This leads me into an earlier conversation with a different person.  This person I have known for 20 years, with changes in our lives taking us in and mostly out of each other’s lives until recently.  Is that fate or luck, I am not sure.  I do know that this person I have huge confidence in and we are developing a great rapport.  Timing is everything.  When I first met this person at the age of 9.  I was so naive and shy, I actually remember being slightly intimidated by this little 6-year-old.  I found my self sitting across from this person this weekend with an incredible level of comfort and trust.  I won’t lie when they had first arrived I was a bit nervous (butterfly like) and again felt a moment of intimidation but still very excited.  To hang out in a new setting than normal was good.  It is good that our communications have picked up.  We normally run into each other in large groups with others pining for our attention pulling us in opposite directions not allowing for any allotment of time to catch up.  I leave this weekend knowing my gut feeling was right after all these years.  I am even more impressed with this person and their confidence.  Their life has been filled with a variety of experiences and some have been extremely challenging.  Even with adversity they have always risen above it and have proven successful.  Successful doesnt mean undefeated or unharmed.  Instead I mean they have always been transformed into a better person.  As different as our lives have been, I am amazed at how similar our core beliefs, goals and, motivations are with one another.

As I alluded to earlier we have cross paths seldom, I count about less than 10 times in over 20 years.  I can remember almost all of them.  Some of thee more memorable ones are because they are tied to the entire spectrum of life events such as a celebration of a birthday, a wedding, New Years day and a funeral.  Each of those times I have left wanting to know more as well as fortunate for the time I was able to spend.  These events cross over the celebrations of life in its many phases and are attached to strong emotions throughout people.   One of those times was my Grandfather’s funeral where I was at one of the lowest points in my life.  Unbeknownst to me this person was also going through personal turmoil.  Even at the lowest point of my confidence and faith, we sat at a table surrounded by friends and family who were all greatly affected.  The one think I do remember is that for at least an hour all my pain and troubles had went away.  This person’s smile and infections energy was able to take me away for at least the duration of that dinner.  I found a moment of healing and serenity during one of my hardest weekends.

This weekend was not any different from any before.  We had a solid conversation and personal release from our overhanging stresses and struggles for a few hours and left wanting to know more.  I am not sure in what level of frequency this person will be involved with my life going forward but I am looking forward for the chance to talk a bit more frequently than we have over the previous 20 years.

As you grow and learn it is always good to have strong, confident, genuine and supporting people in your life.  Obviously everyone in this story has been extremely important and positive people in my life.  And the main characters are currently on the east coast which makes is more challenging geographically to have the level of exposure to them as I would like.

The last major character of my 30 hour excursion to NYC has also been apart of the same 11 years as the first one.  A few of those earlier years were spent in great intensity since we were college roommates and exposed to each other on a daily basis.  This person maybe more so than most has seen me at my darkest uncensored moments in my life.  This person dropped their life on multiple occasions to drive hours at the drop of a hat to pick me up and clean me off.  We have had our moments of conflict like all people do, but it has always been resolved and has brought us even closer.  The key to this as it was with the previous two is our full and fair disclosure; coupled with brutal honesty with one another.  By no means are we perfect but this group takes their roles extremely seriously and differently.  They know when its important to hug you and when its important to kick you in the pants.

In my Aunt’s comments regarding me making the right decisions throughout my life is strongly because of the influence I have had from my supporting friends.  Not only the 3 that were highlighted because of the weekend but by all those my friends and family on both the east & west coast who have kept me on my path.  I am still not sure if it is luck or fate.  I do know I am grateful for my friends and experiences.  If I can continue to be a bit selfish and steal more of the good qualities I see in my friends in order to improve myself and accomplish my goals.  I will have a wonderful and fulfilling life.

As I wander & stray like I regularly do, I continue to regroup and reflect on what has brought me to where I am and evaluate my path from that point going forward.  I know that what ever happens to me either positively or negatively that I need to flush it out with a pen (or keystroke).  It has been 10 long months since I have been inspired or overcome with emotion to the point that I wanted to put it in words.  I am currently inflight looking back at my previous 30 hours, 10 months and, 20 years.  I know I am not at the ideal point in my life.  I have many things I would like to improve.  Part of my Aunt’s comments were directly towards me being smart to not be married yet or so young.  I know based on her currently challenges that those comments are a bit biased and tinted.  I am not upset that I am currently not married because of my experiences have brought me to a better place to understand that it is I am looking for.  I am getting better at my ability to be more humble and improve my flexibility along with skills to compromise.  I try to take off my tinted biases and perspective to understand how I could be better for that person to be named later.  I know one can not prepare for all the details of that unexpected relationship but one can create building blocks of success and communications.  I look forward to those surprises and challenges because that if the fun of growing and learning together with a person.  I am at a point of mild content as I begin to plan my next phase of my focus and improvements.  I do know my future will be unpredictable and eye opening.  I just hope that I can answer the bell when I face future opportunities as well as difficulties.

I leave you with this.  To be happy and successful it is important to be honest with one’s self and supporting group.  Even in times of bruised confidence your supporting group will pick you up.  At times they may need to level you out and make you humble while others they will just provide an ear, shoulder and tissues.  If you are honest with yourself and them.  Then they will be able to look out for you.  Each will have different methods they feel are appropriate but you must keep in mind they know you and have your best interest at heart.  No matter how hard it is to hear or accept.  You just need to make sure you surround yourself with people with strong morale fiber and be open to trust them unconditionally.

I want to take this to say THANK YOU to all my closet friends and family from the East & West Coast, and without them keeping me in line I would not be the person that I am today….

The Path….

Do you pick your path or does your path pick you? When is that tipping point? When do you no longer have a choice? How long do you have before your path passes you bye?  These are the questions I am always asking myself and those around me.

I am never sure if I am just more driven them some or just too stubborn to give up.  I feel there is a distinct difference between these two paths.  On one hand I am just a harder work than most. On the other hand I could be just too scared to fail and become blind to the big picture while focusing on a single prize.  Only the former is admirable.

Maybe it is my athletic background, education or, work experience in finance and the world of securities when I say this.  “Historical performance is no guarantee for future performance”, but it is the nurture that could help you over come your human nature.  We are all programmed with the DNA to achieve certain things.  It is all a matter what drives us to make the most out of our abilities.  For some that burning candle is more of a smoldering wick than a burning inferno.  For some that wick isn’t long enough and for others it gets clipped before it can ignite.

I have recently talked to friends and family members about their journey.  I had an Uncle who said he feels there is never enough education.  He also said that he wishes he did more with his degree. He is considering going back for his MBA now, which would allow him an extension to his current path.  He started as a division one athlete in soccer getting a bachelors degree in writing and English.  He found himself on Wall Street in finance and sales in the heart of the city rat race as Wall Street was going through a crash.  He was always a self-starter and entrepreneur and not one to be hitting the phonebooks cold calling for clients.  It wasn’t his lack of drive and desire; it was just the wrong path.  At 24 years of age he found himself an owner of his first bar & restaurant in NYC.   The only thing more difficult than making it in the finance business in NYC; was making it in the food & drink business.  He went on to open 4 more ventures and being the labeled “The Boys of Bayside”.  He now has 3 kids and a happy family.  He works a stable job in our family’s famous “Phone Company” (Verizon to everyone else, but to us there was only the 1 phone company).  The bar & restaurants are obliviously still in the back ground, but they don’t provide the benefits to insure the health of a family.

Now I know he is happy.  Maybe he would have liked to have been a writer but he always wanted to be a Husband & Father.  He is providing in a fashion that I currently couldn’t fathom, both financially and responsibility.  He recently told me “Life is expensive”.  After spending a week with them on vacation, I would have to agree.  I know that at 29 I could not have a child let alone 2 or 3 as some of my relatives have had.  Life events like these are part of my relentless question.  When life happens like this your path changes.  Now this is not an example of failure.  It is though a challenge that tests your values and goals.  This becomes your tipping point.  You are no longer a single person.  You are now responsible to someone else.  You are responsible to a wife or husband.  You are now responsible for this unbiased, unsuspecting, evolving newborn life.

I think there is still an inflection point in life where you make that decision of how and what you are willing to compromise.  To live a shared life you need compromise and be understanding.  Now is this the chicken or the egg?  Can you set your path and plot your life before taking on shared compromise? You will always have personal compromise.  Personal compromise exists in multiple setting and multiple layers.  Examples could be: Which schools do I want to attend and which schools will I get admitted?  What is the price I must pay to eat this cheesecake? Am I willing to suffer the weight gain? Or am I willing to commit the time to counter/overcome this hurdle.

Since I am single (some what by design), I can be selfish and try to line up as many ducks in a row before I face those shared choices. Is love and life something I can control for no not 100%.  I can though set short and long range goals for the quality of life I would like to live and the career I feel will be best suited for my abilities as well as desires.  I can pursue those goals with reckless abandon until I intersect that life path where I will need to make a choice.

Part of that design is that I have witness failure in relationships.  Failure when it comes to understanding compromise.  I understand my limitations when it comes to relationships.  I am also aware of what it is what I want in a relationship.  I approach all things with a very systematic approach.  I try to identify what it is what I want.  I then try to identify how it can be accomplished.  I then begin the process to achieve said goal.  I try to be the best I can be at what ever it is I set my mind to.  I once said that I would give up talent for people who understand the team and who understand the battle.  I am a person that might hate losing more than I enjoy winning.  This is an advantage as well as a handicap.  Bill Parcells once said: “There is winning and there is misery.”

The most important part of that personal evaluation is that I understand my tipping point.  I am just not sure that most people can say the same. My friend said to me that he couldn’t stand another day in a classroom.  This was when I told him that I was going to start preparing for the LSAT.  He said you must really love school.  It is true that I enjoy school.  I enjoy learning and growing.  I love the team and collaborative environment that school fosters.  As much as I like school I like more the challenge and dynamic change school provides.

I just heard in the Notorious BIG movie a great quote: “You can’t change the world, until you change yourself.”

In academics it is all about breading change.  The pedestrian bridge at my undergrad once said “Why not change the world”.  Now it says “One world changes everything”.  The concept remains the same.  You will not become the Third baseman for the New York Yankees until you understand your limitations.  Failure and weakness create strength and awareness.  Reflection and documentation create accountability.  Without awareness, accountability you can not create goals.  Without goals you can not create your path.

I leave you with this.  “The Path” is just an opportunity.  Opportunities like windows close eventually.  Opportunities are like potential.  Here is another Bill Parcells quote: “I think he’s got good potential, but he needs a lot of work.” So no matter what your potential is, if you do not work at that goal it will become just another closed window.  Do not let your paths decide your future.  Take control and keep your eyes on the horizon.  Keeping your eyes up is the only way to see any of life’s speed bumps on the way.  The key things to remember are: Plan, Prepare, Review and Adjust.  You might take shorter or longer paths, but the key is always find a way to obtain your goals.

I set a goal to write and reflect more frequently through this blog.  Today I was asked where my posts have been, so I am now accountable.  I appreciate being held to the fire.  Goals are only as good as your measuring stick.